deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sway
Lately, my mind drifts off without
warning-
up high, flying
with birds above
or more often- down below, crawling
with worms beneath
Sometimes, a thought, a simple thought fails me
and to reflect, to reflect on the past
eludes me
Tired I am of my minds misadventures-
I want it steady
Focused like little ants' before me
Published 14th Jul 2012
| Edited 19th Jul 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
18th Jul 2012 7:14pm
I don't get it. Why can't you stay focused "on these little ants . . .?" You seem to "fail to reflect" on a number of non-sensory things and you are "Tired of my mind's misadventures." What "misadventures?" You have much here to work with, too much. And the poem leaves me just sitting here. Be more specific, I boldly suggest.
marcella1
marcella1
19th Jul 2012 2:07am
'Specific' is not what I intended Marcella
"What misadventures?" You ask
My minds drifting from thoughts common with the enlightened to those popular amongst the scum of the earth and then to thoughtlessness... blankness! If you like
..Is what I attempted to describe. I must edit it it seems!
Your neutral feedback is invaluable.
Thank you Marcella
"What misadventures?" You ask
My minds drifting from thoughts common with the enlightened to those popular amongst the scum of the earth and then to thoughtlessness... blankness! If you like
..Is what I attempted to describe. I must edit it it seems!
Your neutral feedback is invaluable.
Thank you Marcella
