The Man Who Taught Me Everything

the first time i called him "Dad" instead of "daddy"
he told me it kind of broke his heart
i told him i didn't notice
but he smiled and through his smile
told me that every time i broke his heart,
it reminded him i was growing up
and that he was getting older
and he wasn't going to be around much longer
and that guilt trips are a good experience
then practically knocked me over in a squeezy embrace
saying "Hold ME!",
like Harry Connick Jr. does to Will Smith in Independence Day,
which is one of his favorite movies

but i lied when i told him i didn't notice
cause when i called him "Dad"
it was a pre-meditated, conscious decision
i was determined not to be his little girl anymore
but really, it was that i didn't want to be a little girl
i never wanted to stop being his
because being his meant that he would tell you
"you are special, you are different, you will be something unexpected"
and if i am any of those things
its because he trained me that way

you see around dad, you never heard kid songs
no my lullaby was The Beatles' Golden Slumbers;
home is where you can always come back
life is Margaritaville; happy and ultimately your responsibility
and love is not bubble gum dance music
no its Your Song, Elton John
its a poor man's food
its imperfect and the wording is a little complicated
but when sung by the right man
its a simple concept that turns beautiful
so i hope my future husband is taking notes
because i decided a long time ago
that in order to win me over
you have to sing me that song:
do it just like Elton John except,
you have to mess up the words a little just like my dad
but regardless of the order of words
wisdom always poured through his

my dad would always tell me
that i remind him of his mother
my granny;
said i had her knack for cooking, gave warm hugs and was forgiving
and that I didn't get depressed like her
it used to make me mad when he said that
i don't know why
but a part of me always hoped that was true
because maybe it meant
that what he experienced with me wasn't as difficult

i have heard that daddy's girls always marry their fathers,
you know, someone that has his characteristics
and being a member of the daddy's girl club
i fully intend, to NOT DO THAT
you see as much as i love my daddy
he is not perfect;
he doesn't always say the right thing
he rarely ever lets me speak,
sometimes when he is trying to make a point
it literally takes him three hours; and i'm not exaggerating
and he tells some really stupid jokes,
and he loves, lives for pestering people
but it didn't take me long to figure out that's his way of saying,
"i kind of care about you"
so if he does it a lot, it means he loves you
even if you want to kill him
i just don't know if i could marry a man like that
i don't know how my mom is still sane

he tells some really stupid jokes
but he is still one of the funniest people i know
the stories he lives are some of the funniest you'll ever hear
there were always too many for me to pick a favorite
but there is nothing better than sitting in a dark, cold, dank basement
and laughing till there are puddles of tears on the floor
because "there was 30 thousand pounds of smashed bananas"
you know, i never worried about burglars because
he has been rehearsing for them in his sleep for years
he holds his imaginary bat, gets a real mean look
and yells, in his sleep, "WHATCHU WANT BOY?!
YOU BETTER GET OUTTA HERE, OR I'LL KNOCK YOU
INTO THE JAIL CELL FROM WHENCE YOU CAAAMMME!!"

I'm not sure if he is mad, unstable, brilliant, genius or just plain weird
but regardless he is my daddy and ...
oh, i'm sorry
have i been saying daddy this whole time?