Let's Play Pretend

remember as a kid
when you would play pretend;
play house, school, dress up, cop&robber&cowboy&indian
you would loose yourself in the fantasy
of imagining existing in a life that is somewhere else
that belongs to someone else
far more happythan you
we were told
we could be any of those things
if we just IMAGINE

and i think, when you grow up,
you are still very childlike
because we are so good at pretending; imagining
but when you grow up,
you realize its not the same
because as an adult, pretending is lying
and lying keeps you lying, on your back
looking up at the ceiling
I lay next to pillows filled with my dreams,
on top of the comforter that covers
the dirty sheets made of softly woven nightmares
raise my hand to my eye line
after inter tangling with my innocence
and through tears, out loud, cause no one will hear me,
"What have you done?"


"What are you doing?"


why do you want so badly to go places
but never go?
to try new things, and order familiar every time?!
its because
the moment you truly realize loneliness
is when you realize you have been pretending
to be happy with the distance of the people surrounding you