deepundergroundpoetry.com
lost and found
well there was a time
when i stopped by
your little world
lost in the melee
of devotees who
thrust their
devotion and
awe-strucks
who handed
globules of
their awe
i stood
with tiny
fluorescent
saplings of
ceaseless love
analogous with
the projection
you shared with
the rest of the world
yes i waited there as
footsteps came from
all directions
in that mayhem
of globules
and gods
i held a small globe
which was also green
and when i tried to place
them across they turned
to words a whole mesh of
symmetrical meaningless meaningful
words that made
you notice me
with a smile
of approval
and a nod
you see it was
not a bad start at all
considering the very fact that
i was but a lone penguin sliding
thru a shifting maze of caves
joyous alive content
cause it felt warm
to be inside
your womb of
secrets
by the end
of which i saw
a blinding flash
of light which
i still carry
for you
and will
do always
Published 11th Jul 2012
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likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 14
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Anonymous
11th Jul 2012 1:00am
You never cease to amaze me with your beautiful way with words, I always leave your writings with a smile :)
11th Jul 2012 6:52am
milk.i.way
thank you sweetness. for the constant motivation.
you are kind as always. and glad that i can create
that smile. indirectly though.:]
much love,
sumeet
thank you sweetness. for the constant motivation.
you are kind as always. and glad that i can create
that smile. indirectly though.:]
much love,
sumeet
11th Jul 2012 1:29am
Mmm! Love this. I believe all those we meet are not by chance. All things have a reason. :)
11th Jul 2012 6:56am
flowergirl
thank you for stopping by.
yes, chance is just a random and vain word.
everything indeed has a reason.:]
happy writing,
sumeet
thank you for stopping by.
yes, chance is just a random and vain word.
everything indeed has a reason.:]
happy writing,
sumeet
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Jul 2012 6:35am
11th Jul 2012 4:35am
S3 L8 Is 'also' necessary?
It is the journey.
Warm.
Thick.
Pure.
Sibilant hum.
Rebirth.
BARA. <3
It is the journey.
Warm.
Thick.
Pure.
Sibilant hum.
Rebirth.
BARA. <3
aishelina
:] will look into it. thanks for those eyes.
and apart from that, what do i say.
you leave me speechless.
sumeet
:] will look into it. thanks for those eyes.
and apart from that, what do i say.
you leave me speechless.
sumeet
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Jul 2012 9:11am
11th Jul 2012 9:10am
Prema-smita :) <3 sada sarbada
Haha!
Haha!
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Jul 2012 9:49am
11th Jul 2012 9:48am
Out of one of my text books (masters level theology).
It says it means ' smiling with love', hence my little rebus emoticons. It's a list of love variants from the Vedas, cross referenced with Torah.
Told you I'm a geek.
Sada sarbada :)
It says it means ' smiling with love', hence my little rebus emoticons. It's a list of love variants from the Vedas, cross referenced with Torah.
Told you I'm a geek.
Sada sarbada :)
Okay. The pronunciation is the key.
Smita [the short a] and Smita [the long a]
are two different words. The former is
'smiling' and the latter 'beautiful'.
I wuvv geeks. :] Am proud to have met you.
:]
Smita [the short a] and Smita [the long a]
are two different words. The former is
'smiling' and the latter 'beautiful'.
I wuvv geeks. :] Am proud to have met you.
:]
11th Jul 2012 5:14am
well there was a time
when i stopped by
your little world
lost in the melee
of devotees who
thrust their
devotion and
awe-strucks
who handed
globules of
their awe
[I am struck by this image, that the subject has created an entire world in which everyone is kissing one ass, and I love the way you made it semi-masturbatory. Very slick.(Yes. that was a horrible pun)]
i stood
with tiny
fluorescent
saplings of
[pop culture reference, very cool, easy to miss on first read. you're so sneaky with the reference.]
ceaseless love
analogous with
the projection
you shared with
the rest of the world
[AND HERE WE ARE, you're calling her out as a fake, but you see the projection and know i for what it is.}
yes i waited there as
footsteps came from
all directions
in that mayhem
of globules
[I'd find a better word as globules is repetitive]
and gods
i held a small globe
which was also green
and when i tried to place
them across they turned [ IT not them or they, you have a singular globe, no?]
to words a whole mesh of
symmetrical meaningless meaningful
words that made
you notice me
with a smile
of approval
and a nod
[Was it a warm smile? A cool smile? An arrogant smile? A knowing smile? I don't know enough about this subject to know. Did her eyebrows quirk? Less vocabulary mashed together and more wretched details of life.]
you see it was
not a bad start at all
considering the very fact that
i was but a lone penguin sliding
[LOVE THIS IMAGE. The little flightless black and white bird, alone...]
thru a shifting maze of caves
joyous alive content
cause it felt warm
to be inside
your womb of
secrets
by the end
of which i saw
a blinding flash
of light which
i still carry
for you
and will
do always
[And the end is so achingly tender, that you still carry a torch.]
Lovely offering Sumeet. Your constant evolution is lovely.
Happy writing,
Betty
when i stopped by
your little world
lost in the melee
of devotees who
thrust their
devotion and
awe-strucks
who handed
globules of
their awe
[I am struck by this image, that the subject has created an entire world in which everyone is kissing one ass, and I love the way you made it semi-masturbatory. Very slick.(Yes. that was a horrible pun)]
i stood
with tiny
fluorescent
saplings of
[pop culture reference, very cool, easy to miss on first read. you're so sneaky with the reference.]
ceaseless love
analogous with
the projection
you shared with
the rest of the world
[AND HERE WE ARE, you're calling her out as a fake, but you see the projection and know i for what it is.}
yes i waited there as
footsteps came from
all directions
in that mayhem
of globules
[I'd find a better word as globules is repetitive]
and gods
i held a small globe
which was also green
and when i tried to place
them across they turned [ IT not them or they, you have a singular globe, no?]
to words a whole mesh of
symmetrical meaningless meaningful
words that made
you notice me
with a smile
of approval
and a nod
[Was it a warm smile? A cool smile? An arrogant smile? A knowing smile? I don't know enough about this subject to know. Did her eyebrows quirk? Less vocabulary mashed together and more wretched details of life.]
you see it was
not a bad start at all
considering the very fact that
i was but a lone penguin sliding
[LOVE THIS IMAGE. The little flightless black and white bird, alone...]
thru a shifting maze of caves
joyous alive content
cause it felt warm
to be inside
your womb of
secrets
by the end
of which i saw
a blinding flash
of light which
i still carry
for you
and will
do always
[And the end is so achingly tender, that you still carry a torch.]
Lovely offering Sumeet. Your constant evolution is lovely.
Happy writing,
Betty
11th Jul 2012 6:43am
Betty
now i know why you love the ocean. it makes you more awesome.:] thank you for everything you had to say.
this is still the first draft and glad you raised
those couple of questions. will look into those.
and again, thank you. the pun made me giggle loud.
and dang! pop culture. you are a star. thanks for the suggestions ugly.
much love,
sumeet
now i know why you love the ocean. it makes you more awesome.:] thank you for everything you had to say.
this is still the first draft and glad you raised
those couple of questions. will look into those.
and again, thank you. the pun made me giggle loud.
and dang! pop culture. you are a star. thanks for the suggestions ugly.
much love,
sumeet
12th Jul 2012 00:30am
Sumeet, another interesting poem by you. I like this, but there are a few things that could improved. :)
"awe-strucks
who handed
globules of
their awe"
The use of "awe" twice in such a short about of line/words is too much. It's repetitive and not in a good way.
"yes i waited there as"
IMO "yes" isn't needed here. It gives an impression of dialogue.
"i held a small globe
which was also green"
IMO "I held a small green globe" or something similar would work better and be more powerful than what is there, which is a little to whimsical and vague.
"and when i tried to place
them across they turned
to words a whole mesh of"
I don't understand this part? What is being places across what?
"you notice me
with a smile
of approval
and a nod"
Maybe be cliche, but for flow IMO would work better as...
"you notice me
with a smile
and nod
of approval"
"i was but a lone penguin sliding
thru a shifting maze of caves"
The penguin reference is cute, and understandable without having to tell the reader why. :)
"your womb of
secrets"
Absolutely love this line :D such wonderful imagery just there.
Hope this helps
Peace, Indie
"awe-strucks
who handed
globules of
their awe"
The use of "awe" twice in such a short about of line/words is too much. It's repetitive and not in a good way.
"yes i waited there as"
IMO "yes" isn't needed here. It gives an impression of dialogue.
"i held a small globe
which was also green"
IMO "I held a small green globe" or something similar would work better and be more powerful than what is there, which is a little to whimsical and vague.
"and when i tried to place
them across they turned
to words a whole mesh of"
I don't understand this part? What is being places across what?
"you notice me
with a smile
of approval
and a nod"
Maybe be cliche, but for flow IMO would work better as...
"you notice me
with a smile
and nod
of approval"
"i was but a lone penguin sliding
thru a shifting maze of caves"
The penguin reference is cute, and understandable without having to tell the reader why. :)
"your womb of
secrets"
Absolutely love this line :D such wonderful imagery just there.
Hope this helps
Peace, Indie
12th Jul 2012 00:43am
Hey Indie
So you come to one's rescue twice in succession.
Is that a pattern, sweetness? :]
thank you for stopping by. this was a first draft
and I submitted without much thought. Needed to
get rid of the block. so thank you for the help.
it needs rework, yes and will take down the pointers. most of them. you have been very helpful
today.
much love,
sumeet
So you come to one's rescue twice in succession.
Is that a pattern, sweetness? :]
thank you for stopping by. this was a first draft
and I submitted without much thought. Needed to
get rid of the block. so thank you for the help.
it needs rework, yes and will take down the pointers. most of them. you have been very helpful
today.
much love,
sumeet
