letter to my lover

       
I know you have loved me.  
Rather you have worshiped me.  
For my faculties. For my sheer strength.  
For that raw rabid love I have had within  
that has hissed and infected you over time.    
For my ability to say everything and yet nothing.      
     
Like always I am afraid I might dissapoint you now.      
All that acquired depth has sunk deep beneath      
leaving me what I was like when I was myself.      
The last time I remember.      
     
And I have a few things to say.      
       
I will grow old. Like everyone else.        
I might get a pot belly and lose most of my hair.        
I might even start to complain more, fall silent; lag behind.        
I would definitely want to sleep in your lap at times and try to        
gently nudge and nibble you despite my week long stubble. I could        
be moody-seemingly a nightmare-may be more than once you        
would want me to go for a walk or tend to the plants or just shut up.      
       
It could be your funny day. Or may be not.        
It could be one of those little things or        
may be the big ones. It could be anything.        
       
But you won't get tired of me.        
And you can't get rid of me.      
Not in this life. Never.        
       
I might change, but the you in my eye won't.        
The idea of 'we' won't. Never.        
We have tried hard.        
We have left no stone unturned.        
After bringing the best in each other,        
we eventually brought the worst.        
We even went farther along.        
We were not even ourselves more than once.        
       
From all of that I have known one thing.      
       
The deeper we crash, the higher the rebound.      
The more the madness, the more the innocence.      
The farther we drift, the stronger the force of attraction.      
The longer the silence, the more the words would be missed.      
       
Despite those acid moments of self doubt,        
despite the external world pointing south,        
despite pretty much everything...      
       
There will never be anything in between, for we are one.      
There will never be the world amidst, for we are a world.      
There will never be a gulf, for I am an island and you are the ocean.      
       
The sun-the moon-the breeze-the gulls revolve around us-the world      
changes and we lie still-silent-touching-kissing-together-conjoined-one.      
       
There could be a million voices within you now        
that would tell you all of this is a beautiful        
untruth. Or that storm will happen someday.        
       
It does for the heart lives half of its existence        
in darkness. And if the collective frenzy of those      
voices blur these words written in my haphazard cursive,      
then close your eyes. And just know one thing for sure.      
       
I love you.        
       
Feels inadequate.        
Let me try again then.      
       
I love you....