If I Ruled the World

If I ruled the world; first, I'd stop all the bad jokes
Cause they're deepening the depression of sad folks
I'd pun-tificate a way to ensure comedy of worth
Then each comedian would be taught the policy at birth
I'd throw all the sit-com's and laugh tracks straight in a trash bag
Then burn it over and over until it's ash black
Clowns and mimes would be locked in a town for crimes
And they look the exactly same when their frowns align
I'd save knock knock books as punishment for the top-notch crooks
To be recited repeatedly until they stop; watch, look
Reflect a minute, if your parodies lack humor
I'll pluck you from society like a dark black tumor

If I ruled the world; second, I'd find the coolest girl
Love her, spoil her with all the finest jewels and pearls
If she asked, I'd build a ship to see the galaxy
Grant her dreams and fantasies, my queen in majesty
Her status will hold inside a palace of gold
Where, like all women, over time, I'll see her madness unfold
She'll start complaining like I don't love her enough
So I'll try harder, make sure we always snuggle and stuff
She'll whine about how I'm needy and not rugged and rough
At which point, I'll just give up, and throw her out with a shove

If I ruled the world; third, I'd redistribute wealth
So the poverty stricken could live in continued health
I would undo the shackles of the common wage slave
And destroy economics to ensure we stayed saved
You speak of animalism! You hate capitalism?
Well yeah, if it means most men are trapped in a prison
See I'm having a vision, of a world without hoarding
Where we all work together in peace and supporting
Now you're probably snorting, thinking it'd be boring
But it's my world today, tell me the truth in the morning

If I ruled the world; fourth, I would abolish religion
And clear out the minds of even the smallest of children
Why? Not because of a vendetta with Allah or God
Just all of the fraud makes for an awful facade
No more Buddha or Shiva, no fights over truest believers
We have no need for these absolutist type preachers
But we need it they'll say! It keeps us sane and moral
Really? That, from the same mortals who claim quarrels
Constantly, and can't even manage to stay cordial
If others don't worship an identical immortal
Nah, I'd trace the church, hit in a place that hurts
Wipe it off the face of earth and we'd all embrace the mirth

If I ruled the world; fifth, I'd get the best slumber
In a cabin made exclusively from west lumber
As a chest thumper, resounding like the best thunder
You're be unable to see the tired and the stress under
An endless weary drain compounded by teary strain
Drip-drop like hearing rain, rule over those fearing pain
Or at least my authority over the majority
Regardless of whether or not it was enforced forcefully
Until it evolved to the point no one is authentic
Can't trust my own friends which is technically pathetic
Me versus the world, which as ruler, is eccentrically poetic
It's like living a life doused, completely anaesthetic
So I'd take comfort in rest, though it's not meant to be a medic

If I ruled the world; finally, I'd give power to people
'Cause global tyranny precedes an hour of evil
-And each time there rises up a tower of regal
It'll fall apart, like the first time to sour the sequel-
Who am I to control the life of others?
Like your mothers, your wife or brothers
What is good and bad? Do I know the difference
Do I preach, teach or let live in ignorance?
I can't call who will stand tall and who will perish
It seems a disaster which screams nightmarish
Too many choices, such a burden I couldn't stand it
No one person is fit to rule the entire planet