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Good-bye & Thanks for the Memories
You.
You were the girl that I trusted with my secrets, my tears, my truths and at one point my heart. You were the one who said would never hurt me, never betray me. But you sadly were not the first or last one to break that promise.
As a small child I gave my father so many chances to be he father that I deserved, as I got older I just gave up and now I no longer speak to him at all.
When I was twelve years old my mother left and took care of another man's child while I was alone trying to understand who I was and what was becoming of me.
When I was thirteen I lost my grandmother, and If I could do one thing I would have spent more time with her and not have moved away to Florida while she was sick.
When I was fifteen, I lost my best friend since fifth grade to more popular friends-- I also lost my sanity with my stepfather's abuse towards my mother and I.
But then when I was sixteen, I didn't lose something-- but instead I gained a friend. Someone that saw as being broken like me, someone that I thought that I could be friends. Someone who was there when my grand-dad died and when my ex- best friend told me that I was pretty much nothing to her. You were the one that tried her best to help me stop cutting, though you were cutting also at the time. You still tried.... But then came the lies.
A person.
Then a delusion.
Then came then past loves that you just could not let to of.
Then there was the day you kissed me, and I say this right now that I do not (even after everything), I do not regret kissing you back.
I did indeed love you. And I do respect you.
My anger and hatred towards you was childish.
But you were wrong to involve me in something that you obviously needed help for.
You don't lies about being raped or having more than a single personality. You just can't do that, you can't make false account, becoming someone else so you can spy on me.
I loved you.
And I wanted to help you.
But you pushed me to the point where I didn't want to talk to you, that when I saw you I felt like there was a ball and chain around my ankle. I felt trapped with a girl with too many problems and no intent on helping me with me own. I was drowning, trapped underneath the bell jar of my depression. I needed you, I reached out to you and asked for you help. And what did you do?
You avoided me for a day and then told me you tried to kill yourself. I don't know if that was a lie or not. It doesn't matter at this point.
That was the first time I called you a liar.
Because that's what I felt you were.
You told me that you would help me.
And then you ditched me when I needed you.
You just didn't treat me like your girlfriend. You treated me like a shoulder to cry on, a crutch to help you stand. And then when other people came around, you left me alone.
So I sought out more friends.
And yes I used him to make you jealous.
But then I realized he was treating me better than you did.
I wasn't in love with you anymore.
You irked me.
You annoyed me.
You wanted attention and I wanted someone to love.
So I cheated on you.
I broke your heart.
But you broke mine more times than that.
And that is all I can say.
You were the friend that I needed.
You were the girl I thought I loved.
And you were the enemy that I should never have gained.
This is for you.
With a smile on my face.
No malice in my words.
Just a simple good-bye.
Goodbye and thanks for the memories.
You were the girl that I trusted with my secrets, my tears, my truths and at one point my heart. You were the one who said would never hurt me, never betray me. But you sadly were not the first or last one to break that promise.
As a small child I gave my father so many chances to be he father that I deserved, as I got older I just gave up and now I no longer speak to him at all.
When I was twelve years old my mother left and took care of another man's child while I was alone trying to understand who I was and what was becoming of me.
When I was thirteen I lost my grandmother, and If I could do one thing I would have spent more time with her and not have moved away to Florida while she was sick.
When I was fifteen, I lost my best friend since fifth grade to more popular friends-- I also lost my sanity with my stepfather's abuse towards my mother and I.
But then when I was sixteen, I didn't lose something-- but instead I gained a friend. Someone that saw as being broken like me, someone that I thought that I could be friends. Someone who was there when my grand-dad died and when my ex- best friend told me that I was pretty much nothing to her. You were the one that tried her best to help me stop cutting, though you were cutting also at the time. You still tried.... But then came the lies.
A person.
Then a delusion.
Then came then past loves that you just could not let to of.
Then there was the day you kissed me, and I say this right now that I do not (even after everything), I do not regret kissing you back.
I did indeed love you. And I do respect you.
My anger and hatred towards you was childish.
But you were wrong to involve me in something that you obviously needed help for.
You don't lies about being raped or having more than a single personality. You just can't do that, you can't make false account, becoming someone else so you can spy on me.
I loved you.
And I wanted to help you.
But you pushed me to the point where I didn't want to talk to you, that when I saw you I felt like there was a ball and chain around my ankle. I felt trapped with a girl with too many problems and no intent on helping me with me own. I was drowning, trapped underneath the bell jar of my depression. I needed you, I reached out to you and asked for you help. And what did you do?
You avoided me for a day and then told me you tried to kill yourself. I don't know if that was a lie or not. It doesn't matter at this point.
That was the first time I called you a liar.
Because that's what I felt you were.
You told me that you would help me.
And then you ditched me when I needed you.
You just didn't treat me like your girlfriend. You treated me like a shoulder to cry on, a crutch to help you stand. And then when other people came around, you left me alone.
So I sought out more friends.
And yes I used him to make you jealous.
But then I realized he was treating me better than you did.
I wasn't in love with you anymore.
You irked me.
You annoyed me.
You wanted attention and I wanted someone to love.
So I cheated on you.
I broke your heart.
But you broke mine more times than that.
And that is all I can say.
You were the friend that I needed.
You were the girl I thought I loved.
And you were the enemy that I should never have gained.
This is for you.
With a smile on my face.
No malice in my words.
Just a simple good-bye.
Goodbye and thanks for the memories.
Published 18th Jun 2012
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