deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hide Then Seek
My Latest Confidents,
An Accumulation Of Corroded Aged Aluminium,
A Cardboard Crate,
And A Hoard Of Newspapers..
Beads Of Liquid Reverberate Around Me,
Saturated Papers Hanging Skyward,
Hours, Days, Weeks,
But In Reality Minutes Pass..
An Intense Radiance Escapes My Hand,
An Eclipse,
Held Outstretched Overhead,
The Moon Casting A Negative Backdrop,
It Orchestrates A Procession Of Bellowing Percussion,
It Commands Look At Me,
It Demands Look At Me..
A Buck Of The Hand,
A Flick Of The Wrist,
A Dominant Swing,
Invincibility Now Reigns..
A Gaping Passage,
Dispersing A River Of thick Red Fluid,
Your Jugular Gasping For Air,
As Your Body Forms A Crumpled Mound Of Insignificance..
Absolution,
An Escape,
Solace At Last,
Apology Accepted,
Your Now Forgiven,
And Erased From My Past..
An Accumulation Of Corroded Aged Aluminium,
A Cardboard Crate,
And A Hoard Of Newspapers..
Beads Of Liquid Reverberate Around Me,
Saturated Papers Hanging Skyward,
Hours, Days, Weeks,
But In Reality Minutes Pass..
An Intense Radiance Escapes My Hand,
An Eclipse,
Held Outstretched Overhead,
The Moon Casting A Negative Backdrop,
It Orchestrates A Procession Of Bellowing Percussion,
It Commands Look At Me,
It Demands Look At Me..
A Buck Of The Hand,
A Flick Of The Wrist,
A Dominant Swing,
Invincibility Now Reigns..
A Gaping Passage,
Dispersing A River Of thick Red Fluid,
Your Jugular Gasping For Air,
As Your Body Forms A Crumpled Mound Of Insignificance..
Absolution,
An Escape,
Solace At Last,
Apology Accepted,
Your Now Forgiven,
And Erased From My Past..
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likes 7
reading list entries 0
comments 16
reads 949
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Payback
13th Jun 2012 4:47pm
I'm taking comments on board and trying to get rid of some of the "Rhyme" which all my work has. Not sure how it worked out tho :o(
Re: Payback
Anonymous
13th Jun 2012 5:29pm
Good for you, Clayton! Loved the last line. That is a huge step your taking and now you can start a new life without the headaches. Love it!
0
re: Re: Payback
13th Jun 2012 7:01pm
Re: Payback
Anonymous
13th Jun 2012 7:09pm
I believe poetry just comes from within, rhyming is one way but originality and the way it comes out is another. Just my opinion.
1
Re: Hide Then Seek
16th Jun 2012 8:05pm
I agree with oiviaspeaks2u. You got to show your personality in poems. Write what your heart feels, not what others think you should write. I like this. Like the moon sets each night, so does the decisions we make each day. Tommorrow is another day. :)
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Hide Then Seek
19th Jun 2012 10:27pm
I really like this especially the last stanza.
Poetry should not be stifled and I feel it is indefinable.
I have naturally written rhyme for 30 years, free verse for only months,what comes naturally is best, free verse comes to me naturally these days.
A great write. :)
Poetry should not be stifled and I feel it is indefinable.
I have naturally written rhyme for 30 years, free verse for only months,what comes naturally is best, free verse comes to me naturally these days.
A great write. :)
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re: Hide Then Seek
19th Jun 2012 10:40pm
Stanza ?
I keep looking that up and forgeting what it is :o)
Thank you for your coment.
I think this poem sounds better than my others..
But it doesnt feel like "me" if that makes sense.
Maybe next time I'll try and incorporate both and see what happens,
Thanks again for your time and help :o)
I keep looking that up and forgeting what it is :o)
Thank you for your coment.
I think this poem sounds better than my others..
But it doesnt feel like "me" if that makes sense.
Maybe next time I'll try and incorporate both and see what happens,
Thanks again for your time and help :o)
re: re: Hide Then Seek
19th Jun 2012 10:48pm
A stanza is usually composed of two or more lines. One division of a poem.
So this..... "Absolution,
An Escape,
Solace At Last,
Apology Accepted,
Your Now Forgiven,
And Erased From My Past"
is the stanza I like. But I do like the whole thing.
It does make sense, we are ever evolving, even in how we write.
Sounds like a good idea, see how it turns out.
My pleasure. :)
So this..... "Absolution,
An Escape,
Solace At Last,
Apology Accepted,
Your Now Forgiven,
And Erased From My Past"
is the stanza I like. But I do like the whole thing.
It does make sense, we are ever evolving, even in how we write.
Sounds like a good idea, see how it turns out.
My pleasure. :)
1
Re: Hide Then Seek
24th Jun 2012 5:54pm
Saying you are going use or not use convention as in with or without rhyme is like only using your left hook.
I don't let my brain tell my mind what to do; that's the job of my emotions.
your vs. you're..........if that's it, that's it; if not, then change it...it's that simple.
I don't let my brain tell my mind what to do; that's the job of my emotions.
your vs. you're..........if that's it, that's it; if not, then change it...it's that simple.
0
Anonymous
- Edited 9th Nov 2018 2:45pm
19th Sep 2012 8:55pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: Hide Then Seek
19th Sep 2012 9:47pm
Thank you loads Lily and welcome :o)
I have always felt the need to rhyme (from school days) but actually feel this one came out ok :o)
Thank you loads for your time and hope you have a great stay here :o)
I have always felt the need to rhyme (from school days) but actually feel this one came out ok :o)
Thank you loads for your time and hope you have a great stay here :o)
Re: Hide Then Seek
19th Sep 2012 10:04pm
I believe everyone has the capacity to be a poet, but not everyone is willing to expose their hidden inner self. I'm a rhymer myself and can't seem to do anything but thyme. Great poem.
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re: Re: Hide Then Seek
19th Sep 2012 10:16pm
Thank you Shaunda,
I think out of about 70 poems this is my only non rhymer..
But hey I'll give anything a go once, lol
Thank you for your time :o)
I think out of about 70 poems this is my only non rhymer..
But hey I'll give anything a go once, lol
Thank you for your time :o)
Re: Hide Then Seek
22nd Sep 2013 12:06pm
re: Re: Hide Then Seek
22nd Sep 2013 12:14pm
Hey Chloe,
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
Have an awesome day :o)
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
Have an awesome day :o)
Re: Hide Then Seek
22nd Sep 2013 12:18pm