deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
for the competition My Clothes
I keep it
So I can always remember
Your arms
the safest place to go
Your hugs
none have ever compared
Your warmth
that is still carried in my heart.
To remember the happy
and not the mad.
To remember you loved me.
Loved me.
Even though all the band-aids
And kisses
Couldn't make it all better.
I thought they were supposed to.
Every once in a while,
I journey through the shirt,
the past
And think of my friend
my love
Who was supposed to always be there
who left
And I hug myself with your sleeves
your arms
So I can remember there was warmth.
Since this shirt is all that is left.
I keep it
So I can always remember
Your arms
the safest place to go
Your hugs
none have ever compared
Your warmth
that is still carried in my heart.
To remember the happy
and not the mad.
To remember you loved me.
Loved me.
Even though all the band-aids
And kisses
Couldn't make it all better.
I thought they were supposed to.
Every once in a while,
I journey through the shirt,
the past
And think of my friend
my love
Who was supposed to always be there
who left
And I hug myself with your sleeves
your arms
So I can remember there was warmth.
Since this shirt is all that is left.
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Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
13th Jun 2012 2:34pm
re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 8:38am
Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
13th Jun 2012 2:53pm
Astonishingly lovely. But I've come to expect nothing less from you. While all of it is an amazing achievement the entirety of this stanza:
Every once in a while,
I journey though the shirt,
the past
And think of my friend
my love
Who was supposed to always be there
who left
And I hug myself with your sleeves
your arms
So I can remember there was warmth.
is stellar. Just like your namesake.
Every once in a while,
I journey though the shirt,
the past
And think of my friend
my love
Who was supposed to always be there
who left
And I hug myself with your sleeves
your arms
So I can remember there was warmth.
is stellar. Just like your namesake.
0
re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 8:39am
I think perhaps you expect more than I believe I give, love.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
Anonymous
- Edited 13th Jun 2012 10:44pm
13th Jun 2012 10:43pm
The short lines in italics, mixed with the main narrative, remind me of Stephen King, who uses that technique a lot. Here, as in his stories, it's used effectively. I like how it almost conveys a stream-of-consciousness, elevating this above a standard love poem. At times it feels like two poems being told simultaneously.
Lines like "your sleeves/your arms" are clever and heartfelt. Thanks for the read.
Lines like "your sleeves/your arms" are clever and heartfelt. Thanks for the read.
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re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 8:41am
Exactly what I was hoping would be conveyed. Well not necessarily the Stephen King part, and I don't think I swear nearly enough for his taste. haha
Thank you, Jack, for taking the time. Truly.
Thank you, Jack, for taking the time. Truly.
Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 4:30am
Oh man...this is crazy...do you seriously have a shirt that reminds you of someone?
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re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 8:38am
Seriously, I have his shirt. One he gave me, I wasn't so creepy as to steal it. Is it crazy?
re: re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 1:37pm
Hahaha, well if you are we can be crazy together ;) my boondox jersey....the only phisical manifestation left to remember someone I thought id never loose...but in,my defence I love the jersey about as much as I loved her so yeah ;)
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re: re: re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
Ha. I'll have to find myself an excuse like that so I don't seems so sappy. :)
re: re: re: re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 10:32pm
Hahahaha, you shouldnt, its cute ;) I however must maintain my manlyness XD
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re: re: re: re: re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 10:37pm
So it's cute and not pathetic? I am relieved. I was very much afraid it was pathetic. Haha
Your manliness is safe. :)
Your manliness is safe. :)
re: re: re: re: re: re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
14th Jun 2012 11:50pm
How could anything that resounds so strongly withen you be pathetic? It is most definitely cute, and you shakespirian way with words make it beautiful, artistic, and meaningful. Patchetic was far from my mind when I read this
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re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go
15th Jun 2012 4:03am
re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't le
15th Jun 2012 4:43am
Awh ;) £returns hug tenderly" for what do I owe the pleasure of ur hugs?
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Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
5th Jul 2012 10:15am
Thought I'd peek at Pierre's other half's scripts.
This one's nicely decorated with the italics through it. Do you draw/paint?
I think there's a 'though' that should be a 'through'.
It's a nice little poem of loss and missing. I especially like the structure, shows a creative gland in you. Thanks.
This one's nicely decorated with the italics through it. Do you draw/paint?
I think there's a 'though' that should be a 'through'.
It's a nice little poem of loss and missing. I especially like the structure, shows a creative gland in you. Thanks.
0
re: Re: The Last Piece ... that I can't let go of
5th Jul 2012 9:33pm
I have little to no artistic talent at all. lol It was my hope that the italics would come through as almost a second voice whispering truth.
I fixed the "through". :)
Thank you for your time and your thoughts. It is nice to have you look my way.
I fixed the "through". :)
Thank you for your time and your thoughts. It is nice to have you look my way.