deepundergroundpoetry.com
Head On
Walking on the road
listless-lost-lone
I bump into a man
withering-wrung-wrecked
More of an atavistic relic
he smells worse than death
more like a startled roadkill
with the innards spilling
His eyes are empty
a dead giveaway
The one word flashing in my mind
is shower
Akin a Pavlov Dog I insert my
hand inside my denim hoping that
I might find a ten [or something]
my fingers feel something
I take it out
It's a sperm bank coupon
may be worth five hundred
that could last me a week
[or more]
I see his outstretched hand
hand it over to him
despite myself ourselves
we both smile and go our
separate ways each of us
probably mouthing
O dear life
or may be not
Published 11th Jun 2012
| Edited 15th Jun 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 876
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
15th Jun 2012 8:24am
This piece comes across painfully organic and real. Small kindnesses are often the greatest, and I like to hope people are inherently good and seek to relieve suffering.
No one should be invisable.
I realize I didnt give you a critique, just some commentary, but the short choppy lines were uncomfortably suited to your topic, in my opinion.
No one should be invisable.
I realize I didnt give you a critique, just some commentary, but the short choppy lines were uncomfortably suited to your topic, in my opinion.
Aish
Thank you for stopping by. You have captured the essence well in this accidental poem which was written for a competition on the spot [Based on semi-real life events.]
Yes, noone should be invisible.
To set the mood of indifference and give the irony in the act of giving a heightened sense I had kept the lines short. Will take another look.
Respect,
Sumeet
Thank you for stopping by. You have captured the essence well in this accidental poem which was written for a competition on the spot [Based on semi-real life events.]
Yes, noone should be invisible.
To set the mood of indifference and give the irony in the act of giving a heightened sense I had kept the lines short. Will take another look.
Respect,
Sumeet
23rd Jun 2012 4:07pm
23rd Jun 2012 5:52pm
Freddwzz
Thank you for stopping by.
I am glad you liked the ending.
The irony of life that is.:)
Hope to see you more often.
Happy writing,
Sumeet
Thank you for stopping by.
I am glad you liked the ending.
The irony of life that is.:)
Hope to see you more often.
Happy writing,
Sumeet
