deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Missing Game
You're chasing ghosts
in this missing game
don't look down
no, don't look down
Stay a while and maybe we'll forget
all these things we've learned to hate
before I leave you standing
at the edge of lonely hearted-ness
staring up and away from the abyss
of things that cannot be
'Cause I don't miss you like a lover should
and I'm no longer making love to ghosts
under these nostalgic, bruised skies
that spell out our names
in a broken you-me tragedy
So don't look down
no, don't look down
at the dusty bones of me
that always break your ribs open
just stay a while and maybe we'll forget
all these things we've learned to hate
while chasing dreams that were never
meant to be
© Indie Adams 2012
in this missing game
don't look down
no, don't look down
Stay a while and maybe we'll forget
all these things we've learned to hate
before I leave you standing
at the edge of lonely hearted-ness
staring up and away from the abyss
of things that cannot be
'Cause I don't miss you like a lover should
and I'm no longer making love to ghosts
under these nostalgic, bruised skies
that spell out our names
in a broken you-me tragedy
So don't look down
no, don't look down
at the dusty bones of me
that always break your ribs open
just stay a while and maybe we'll forget
all these things we've learned to hate
while chasing dreams that were never
meant to be
© Indie Adams 2012
Published 10th Jun 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 3
comments 16
reads 871
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
10th Jun 2012 9:24am
It felt as though I was walking through a cemetery overflowing with Gothic crypts and watching ravens. The hairs are still standing...
Thank you so much for sharing this.
D x
Thank you so much for sharing this.
D x
10th Jun 2012 9:28am
10th Jun 2012 5:06pm
I liked this, Miss Indie Miss! Personally, I'm not sure if you need the last verse. I think the preceding one ends it decently enough.
10th Jun 2012 11:26pm
Thank you very much for your feedback Benny :) I wasn't sure about the end verse, so I've taken it out now.
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
10th Jun 2012 5:43pm
10th Jun 2012 11:26pm
10th Jun 2012 6:47pm
10th Jun 2012 11:27pm
10th Jun 2012 9:38pm
Holy crap! That was... AWESOME!
The third stanza was effing brilliance. Just so damn good. Makes you want to roll that set of broken phrases over, and over and over the mind.
YAY!
(The whole thing read well, but I'm just in love with the third stz.)
The third stanza was effing brilliance. Just so damn good. Makes you want to roll that set of broken phrases over, and over and over the mind.
YAY!
(The whole thing read well, but I'm just in love with the third stz.)
10th Jun 2012 11:28pm
11th Jun 2012 3:55pm
To be honest I like 3/4 of it....the last stanza seemed discordant with the rest...didnt seem to fit I guess...again just my opinion. I always love reading your stuff..thanks
11th Jun 2012 11:29pm
Thanks for your feedback Philip, it's appreciated :). Do you mean the last stanza now, or the one before? I have deleted a verse as it added nothing.
13th Jun 2012 00:15am
In my humble opinion, your first line is right on the money “chasing ghosts”
The rest therefore takes on an almost transitory path for the reader to define.
“under these nostalgic, bruised skies
that spell out our names
in a broken you-me tragedy”
Looking back is just as you describe, what are we doing but stirring the mists of ghosts in the past.
Not matter how we thrash the past, mists will settle as mists always do, unresolved?
Of the last verse I’d keep
“maybe we'll forget
all these things we've learned to hate
while chasing dreams that were never
meant to be”
A sharp write and my thanks for your help else where.
The rest therefore takes on an almost transitory path for the reader to define.
“under these nostalgic, bruised skies
that spell out our names
in a broken you-me tragedy”
Looking back is just as you describe, what are we doing but stirring the mists of ghosts in the past.
Not matter how we thrash the past, mists will settle as mists always do, unresolved?
Of the last verse I’d keep
“maybe we'll forget
all these things we've learned to hate
while chasing dreams that were never
meant to be”
A sharp write and my thanks for your help else where.
13th Jun 2012 3:33am
Thanks so much for your feedback Harlequin. This poem does describe a somewhat transitory path, and the ending is unresolved just as it in reality. It's also why I titled it the Missing Game, because the emotions and situation isn't that different from the emotional games people sometimes play with each other when they should be letting go. Kind of like the love-hate, go-stay contradictions we sometimes feel towards certain people that come in and out of our lives.
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
13th Jun 2012 3:30am
So don't look down
no, don't look down
at the dusty bones of me
that always break your ribs open
just stay a while and maybe we'll forget
all these things we've learned to hate
while chasing dreams that were never
meant to be
This portion is that part I meant I guess ...as I said it's just my feeling on it nothing more
no, don't look down
at the dusty bones of me
that always break your ribs open
just stay a while and maybe we'll forget
all these things we've learned to hate
while chasing dreams that were never
meant to be
This portion is that part I meant I guess ...as I said it's just my feeling on it nothing more
13th Jun 2012 3:39am
I think I get what you mean. I get that this poem loops back on itself, which was my intention, because it conveyed the feeling I was trying to express. I wanted it to be a little confused and nostalgic.
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
