And then I realize.

"Need to finish, I need to finish this now!"
Thoughts racing through my head.
This essay is due soon.
Why did I put it off until the last minute?
Hurry, hurry
You will fail if you don't.
Grab your paper and pencil and do something!

Curse these blank pages.
The white paper shines and burns my eyes as my desktop lamp glares down at them.
Rows and rows of sharpened pencils,
Lined up perfectly.
My eraser at hand,
My teeth grinding.
My hands in my hair,
My elbows on my desktop.
Staring down at the pages and pages of nothing.
My mind draws a complete blank,
As blank as the lined paper that smirks at me.

I feel like screaming or bashing my head onto my desk.
But that would just give an even worse headache,
So I don't.
The room so still and silent,
Only the constant
*Tick, Tock*
Of the clock can be heard.
Echoing through my mind.
An annoying voice screaming, singing in my mind.
"*Tick, Tock*
*Tick, Tock*
You've got writer's block!"
My pencil snaps between my fingers,
And I grab another.
Tossing the broken one into the trash with the many others.

Sitting for hours,
Till I can no longer feel my butt.
Until I start to feel a hallow feeling in my gut.
Hunger strikes,
I need brain fuel.
But do I dare get up?
Do I dare leave?
What if I get an idea?
What if I forget?
No I'll risk passing out.
I need to think!

"Blast it!"
I scream at the top of my lungs.
Yelling at myself,
When no one is around.
My schizophrenia get the best of me.
Pacing the hallway,
Mumbling things to myself.

Do I dare take a gander at the clock?
My curiosity gets the best of me.
The clock strikes 6.
But I can not tell what time of day it is.
So I go outside,
Into the bright sunlight.
Stepping out my dark, dim lit house.
The eminence rays burn my face.
Quickly I go inside,
And realize I haven't slept in a solid 38 hours.

My eyes grow heavy as I sit back down.
All the pages still blank.
And slowly,
Very slowly. . . .
I start to think.
Until I completely relax.
Soon my mind is racing,
Explosions of colors and ink fill my pages.
Wonderful smells fill my nose,
A warmth I can feel from my head to my toes.
Great splashes of imagery,
I can hear Mozart's fine music in my ears.

Then suddenly I awake.
It was all a dream!
A wonderful,
Cruel dream.
The pages are still empty!
I can't stand it!
I grab my pencil and write my rage away.

And soon I'm dumbstruck.
My palm across my face,
My cheeks a hot blistering red.
It was so simple,
All this time.
My emotions,
Were being blocked my lack of sleep.

My stomach now in knots and my blood sugar frightfully low,
I stumble off to the kitchen.
And fetch a bite to eat.
My brain now fully in progress,
I sit once more.

Pencil at hand,
Writing for hours and hours.
Paper overflowing the waste basket,
Pouring onto the floor.
Like snow,
Covers like a blanket.

Mozart's soothing music fills the room.
My pencil going non-stop,
Until I run out of led.
"Ahha! I have done it! Finally!"
I throw the paper into the air.
And watch them fall like snowflakes,
Each one unique.

Then I an dumbstruck once more,
As I get on my hands and knees
Trying to sort the scattered papers.
Until. . .
I give up.
An walk away without a word,
Slamming the door behind me.

Then I realize. . . .
Its summer break.
"Holy mother of. . Ugh!"
Screaming at the top of my lungs,
And throwing a tantrum.
Writing away my rage.