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I Wish You Well

Peaches Crabtree Foxhound Dogooder was raised in a place called Perfection. For years she had a perfect life. It was so perfect that she never knew the meaning of strife. She grew up on Mulberry Lane, with a perfectly beautiful house, a rose garden, olive tree, an back yard where grapes, strawberries, and blueberries brew wild, but was kept neat in appearance.  
The house was even surrounded by a white picket fence. Neatly trimmed bonzai trees surrounded the house for peaceful vibes and a feeling of tranquility. At the break of dawn, Peaches would loudly call for her dog named Kitty and would gently cuddle her bison frisee, asking her, "Would you like to take a walk with me?"  
On perfect mornings breakfast consisted of english muffins, raspberry patch tea, eggplant omelet, grits, and a choice of yogurts and smoothies.  
Such smells tempted the senses, prompting Peaches to ask, "Who prepared these?"  
She wore the most beautiful and extravagant clothes, had the best hairstyle, and drove a perfect car. It was a 1938 rolls royce that never broke down. It drove so smoothly that when it pulled up onto one's driveway, no one could hear a single sound. For an eighteen year-old girl, she had a vast assortment of attractive men to choose from.  
Neither one was dumb. They were all perfect, too. All were polished in appearance, right down to the very shoe. They were all different nationalities. This was so shocking that the family nanny asked, "How can this be?" None of them were under 5'7".  
All were hand picked by Peaches and were to be all for her throughout her entire lifespan. Any other man aside from these paled beyond comparison, as if they just crawled out of the nearest trash can.  
So, there were twelve altogether. None of them hung out together. The men came from twelve different countries, were reared in special schools from kindergarten and at age sixteen, were sent to such countries as: Italy, Greece, France, and Russia, where boys became men and were taught to never dissatisfy a woman in the bedroom.  
And she never traveled without her head groom. These schools had been in existence since before the times of Julius Caesar. Not the salad. No one questioned the exact whereabouts of the schools, because bringing the subject up seemed rather invalid. Everything was done and chosen in a manner for Peaches that nothing would ever fail.  
Also with every man came a unique bottle of cologne that suited their personality. Because of this, she would even play games by being blind folded, developing the talent of revealing which man was which, by smelling their cologne and natural body smell. The rest of the Dogooder family members were completely different from Peaches.  
They were all intellectuals of diffrent types. All were perfect in their own way and were perfectionists in their areas of skill fancied, and were strongest in. No one even cursed. And, certainly there were no fights.  
Everyone and everything were perfect in that household, except for one who could turn a person's world upside down, destroying the peace and tranquility of the Dogooders household and environment. Around this person a smile would quickly turn into a frown.  
This same individual had to have her own household. So, she lived across the tracks. That was very bold. She lived on Muddy Waters Avenue, had seven cry babies, a bulldog named Buster, and a common-law boyfriend named Little Rascal.  
He was from Haskell. Her name was Bertha "Rocky" Horehound Bad Tutha Bone Doggone. Her last name was no longer Dogooder because she was just too darn bad. Oh, what an experience that family had!  
So, the family changed her name from Dogooder to Doggone, because she was bad to the bone. Bertha and her brood were so bad that they had to meet the Dogooders at the IHOP. The place was perfect because Bertha had a habit of dropping off her brood of seven on the Dogooder's doorstep to hop off into some lover's bed.  
Once everyone put their feet down, the perfect place to be and meet Bertha and her brood for a visit was the IHOP, because she goodtimed all her life, would flee without anyone knowing hide nor hair where she was, until she got into trouble with the law, or got a call from the hospital nursery that a new baby was born.  
Neither did the Dogooders have time to shop. Another problem with Bertha was that the Dogooders spoiled her so bad that, she took advantage of everyone and practically ran them over like a John Deere bulldozer.  
Yes, she gave the Dogooders the blues. To everyone around town this wasn't any shocking type of news. She was the reason "Bad To The Bone" was sung, because it was just perfect for her. She constantly did things to hurt family.  
The last thing she did to hurt the family was bring something home that was against the family's culture. On top of that, her personality was that of a vulture. It was shameful. Peaches could barely look "Rocky" in her face, anymore.  
She did the abominable. What "Rocky" did was not even the usual nor for herself. If she were a book she'd be left on a shelf. It was against the forces of nature and a great shame for the name of Dogooder. With men, she thought she was "da bomb", dressing worse than the girls who worked for the chain called Hooter. Something had to be done.  
As a result, there was a family meeting. The matter was so serious that the meeting took place at the Dom Perignon Hotel in Bakersfield, California. This also gave the Dogooder family the chance to let their hair down and have some fun.  
Something had to be done with Bertha "Rocky" Horehound Bad Tutha Bone Doggone. One uneventful day came when Peaches noticed that Bertha possibly had gone through some unforseen obstacles like the Dogooders did when around her.  
What a fright! Even the dog named Kitty stayed out of sight. Almost like a puppet master pulling strings. The Dogooders had over thirty years of terrible times outside of their perfect home. Paradise was lost and was no longer a place where buffaloes roam.
As a result, they went around the world to find the best professionals to help with their dilemma. Once their trip around the world ended after six months, they all met in Bakersfield, California at the Dom Perignon Hotel. After that, everyone said a prayer that "Rocky" wouldn't take flight, do something stupid, and end up in jail.
Each family member verbalized their ideas at the great table amongst the great feast set for a king. The sight was so magnificent that when it came to describing details, everyone at the table didn't miss a thing.
Next, the great "talk" began. Crap was about to hit the fan. One family member of the Dogooders came up with the best idea. His name was Hitchcock, named after the great Alfred Hitchcock, because his birth was a great mystery.
Having nothing but girls were a part of the Dogooder history. After the feast, games were played. There were games such as: Badmitton, wiffle ball, hockey, golf, darts, and horeshoes. Even the game called Blues Clues. This happened over the course of one weekend. The last day consisted of breakfast made for champions. There were delicious juice beverages imported from around the world and were chilled like the Dogooder family liked it.
The family had a mysterious admirer who had strings pulled in secret. That following Monday quickly came and went in a blur. The "big dilemma" was finally over. Like Rover. At 6:00 A.M. an army of fifty soldiers surrounded Muddy Waters Avenue.
Over there, no one even had time to stew. They picked up Bertha, her brood of seven, and her common-law lover, and were forced into Air Force One, where they were banished from the United States forever.
This plan being carried out was so clever. Their new home was located in the Federated States of Micronesia, where Bertha was forced to be a mother, Little Rascal legally married her, and were forced to be a regular God fearing family, never to bother the Dogooders, again.
Furthermore, the situation was a huge win-win. Bertha's destiny started anew for the better and so did the Dogooders. As a result, Peaches sent "Rocky" one last letter. It read, "The paths of our lives have crossed and have changed, dear sister. The face of destiny was supposed to have smiled upon you. With this separation, may destiny smile upon you once again, with happiness."
"Life is not a test. I wish the best for you all, as our destinies no longer intertwine, but lead to different roads. I pray you have no more obstacles in your path, and this time it is what you desire in your life and household, as far as yourself is concerned."
"Happy trails, sister. Only time will tell. I wish the best for you. I wish you well."
Written by King-Galaxius (King-Galaxius Stravinsky)
Published
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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