Die with a smile

 
Your hot cum
cools quickly as we
scramble up the
fire escape stairs
to the club’s roof
my chest still displaced from
the sonic commotion of the
bass drop

my face pink from the
rush of a thousand people
cheering in one
fist pumping
entity
as you fucked me
while the DJ remixed
something poignant into
something primal

the sky lightens
and the hazard alarms
blare danger
loud enough to drown the
club music pulsing under our feet

my legs buckle a little
as the adrenaline
leeks out
of my body
like your essence
on my thighs

My hands are a
a parakeet
in a too-small cage
flitting and picking and
belaying the anxiety
I can’t quite
hide under a teary smile

The head of the world-ending
comet bursts
like new heaven
on the horizon
contrails of ever-after
racing in front of it

and I open my face to it,
because it’s beautiful

you try to pull me into a hug
and somehow

it’s unbearable

because I want to shove your
softening cock back in me
and fuck again
or make love in the quiet
space in the back of the car
so that when we die
the last thought of my pores
was the way
your body feels
in mine

and I’m scared

I’m scared it’s all black at the end
and all we are
is erased from time.

I make
a broken sound
with my back to you
because I can’t stand it

I can’t stand it

Baby, I can’t stand it
I turn and grab you
my arms a noose
my cheek to yours
as I hyperventilate
and ugly cry
because I need you now,
now,
and the next now,
now,
so desperately it might kill me
before we die

It wasn’t enough.
We didn’t get enough.
It could never be enough
and I need you closer
so I can dream a last time
that the taste of my skin
haunts your soul enough
for you to find me in the next life

if there is one

If there is one.

I want to hold you close
enough our hearts
syncopate in all-time
and you recognize
me in the afterlife
and we fuck hard enough to
break the world
and start again

without the bullshit.

Or maybe with.

As long as we start again.

Again.

I need to break my ribs open
and claw my way into your torso
and beg our eternal ids to forgive
these stupid versions of us
for being so fucking awful
to each other

but at the end we learned
how to love each other right

we waited for a doom clock
but we finally got that shit
down to an art
they’d study in the future
if there was still such a thing

but we came here tonight
to dance the end away
like an old Britney Spears song
and
it’s right
and it’s
us
and we did everything
we set out
to do

And it’s over.

Oh god, it’s over.

And it’s beautiful

And I don’t want it to end.

you take my cheeks in your palms
and tell me to stop
fucking overthinking

to look at you.
stay with you.
exist in this moment.

White light halos
our vision
I move closer,
whispering
I love you,
I need you,
I want you,
I’m sorry,
please
please
please
don’t leave
me.

You nuzzle my nose with yours,
and ask me
what the quietest dog is

I can’t hear anything but you
as the jet-roar of doom
breaks the sonic barrier
seconds away

‘Hush puppies’

I laugh.

fucking laugh.
and cry,
and kiss you,
body pressed and
opened eyed
as the
world turns to pure light

after everything we’ve been through
the world goes white
and it’s just you.

it’s just

you



and you are beautiful