blasphemed

 
the pellucid  
glow of the  
motel light  
creases your  
face  
 
and you look  
like the fallen god  
I used to worship  
 
shoulders curled  
in the pervading glow
as if your throat-slitting,
fuck talk harmed you  
 
most  
 
you left your mark  
on me  
 
you certainly did that.
 
ribbons of my skin  
decay in your nail beds  
and there’s a hopeful  
glint in the far left  
of your cornea  
 
as if you hold hope  
while my flesh  
molds in a pile  
next to your boot  
 
and like a dead god  
you clawed out of the  
grave to haunt my  
daydreams  
with clods of  
nighttime sacrifice  
clinging to the coffin funk
 
and since you’ve been here  
 
you manacled my wrists  
and pinned me down,  
snapped your belt  
and stripped my skin,  
you’ve siphoned heroin  
from my corpse and  
let my sullen eyes  
rest on your  
self-loathing adoration  
 
I’d forgotten  
how demanding  
my gods were  
when I believed  
 
I believe now  
in something  
different  
 
you tore me apart for  
metaphoric apology sex  
and sure, that’s cool,  
but you never gave  
my fucking skin back  
 
skin weighs about 9 pounds  
and I never asked  
for that much of you  
 
I never asked that much of you
 
I never wanted  
a you without meaning
a costume of your body  
creased like a caring face.  
 
You took your pounds of flesh  
from me to be redeemed  
and restored  
 
but I believe in something  
different now  
 
so I’ll wrap my arms  
around your neck  
and kiss you  
with lidless eyes
as your wide  
palms span  
my waist  
 
and shove my  
tetanus screwdriver  
into your chest  
as your tongue  
breeches my  
cold bones
to take
my single fucking  
pound of flesh  
 
because a human heart  
weighs less than a pound  
 
and you never needed it  
when I worshiped you  
 
I believe in something  
different now