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Chocolate Paradise In His Arms
Sheet music we lay upon in the rapture of night
Instilling his royal loins as he elevates my, heart, mind, body and the esoteric passage to my soul
The stairway to Heaven we seek in the throne of divine passion
Easing into the desire once he parts my soft Pearly Gates
The beginning of our eternity within the quietness of times enclosing our charms of fate
Destiny we are cloaked
Lust we are soaked
Mm… ordained by the parables of King Solomon’s poetic Proverbs
Illuminating his wishes
Upon my supple Creole temple with forevermore adorning kisses
His touch, the cascading of his smooth baritone voice flooding in my ear
The spare air we breathe, the saturated infusion keeps me floating
His drift maroons me in his arms of care
In the cradle of time, we are there
Whispering the insignia of his love in me from the roots of his melaninated mane
The strength of a Yoruba God found in the might of his hair
Allowing my tender incantation to adulate his skin
You and I are sealed upon the sacred scrolls of earth’s divine origin
Baptizing my consecrated spirit deep within the turquoise waters of his soul
Softly enchanted by the kiss of this rose
Tu es le battement de cœur tendre qui rugit si doucement dans mon cœur
Instilling his royal loins as he elevates my, heart, mind, body and the esoteric passage to my soul
The stairway to Heaven we seek in the throne of divine passion
Easing into the desire once he parts my soft Pearly Gates
The beginning of our eternity within the quietness of times enclosing our charms of fate
Destiny we are cloaked
Lust we are soaked
Mm… ordained by the parables of King Solomon’s poetic Proverbs
Illuminating his wishes
Upon my supple Creole temple with forevermore adorning kisses
His touch, the cascading of his smooth baritone voice flooding in my ear
The spare air we breathe, the saturated infusion keeps me floating
His drift maroons me in his arms of care
In the cradle of time, we are there
Whispering the insignia of his love in me from the roots of his melaninated mane
The strength of a Yoruba God found in the might of his hair
Allowing my tender incantation to adulate his skin
You and I are sealed upon the sacred scrolls of earth’s divine origin
Baptizing my consecrated spirit deep within the turquoise waters of his soul
Softly enchanted by the kiss of this rose
Tu es le battement de cœur tendre qui rugit si doucement dans mon cœur
Published 7th Mar 2025
Author's Note
No one can figure out your worth but you.
Pearl Bailey
Creation by Me (SKC-03-07-25)
Pearl Bailey
Creation by Me (SKC-03-07-25)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 4
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7th Mar 2025 4:34pm
My friend, I sure would like to do this to you using your words (Upon my supple Creole temple with forevermore adorning kisses)
Enjoy this day, and be safe
Enjoy this day, and be safe
7th Mar 2025 6:52pm
Favourite verses:
Sheet music we lay upon in the rapture of night
Instilling his royal loins as he elevates my, heart, mind, body and the esoteric passage to my soul
The stairway to Heaven we seek in the throne of divine passion
Easing into the desire once he parts my soft Pearly Gates
The beginning of our eternity within the quietness of times enclosing our charms of fate
Destiny we are cloaked
Lust we are soaked
Mm… ordained by the parables of King Solomon’s poetic Proverbs
Illuminating his wishes
Upon my supple Creole temple with forevermore adorning kisses
His touch, the cascading of his smooth baritone voice flooding in my ear
The spare air we breathe, the saturated infusion keeps me floating
Sheet music we lay upon in the rapture of night
Instilling his royal loins as he elevates my, heart, mind, body and the esoteric passage to my soul
The stairway to Heaven we seek in the throne of divine passion
Easing into the desire once he parts my soft Pearly Gates
The beginning of our eternity within the quietness of times enclosing our charms of fate
Destiny we are cloaked
Lust we are soaked
Mm… ordained by the parables of King Solomon’s poetic Proverbs
Illuminating his wishes
Upon my supple Creole temple with forevermore adorning kisses
His touch, the cascading of his smooth baritone voice flooding in my ear
The spare air we breathe, the saturated infusion keeps me floating
Anonymous
9th Mar 2025 4:34pm
Wow
***Overwrought Language
This poem reeks of trying too hard. The constant barrage of grandiose, self-important phrases ("esoteric passage to my soul," "throne of divine passion," "sacred scrolls of earth’s divine origin") is exhausting. You're aiming for depth, but instead, you come across like you’re just throwing around flowery, empty phrases to look profound. It feels like a performance, not an authentic experience.
***The poem is Awkward, filled with Forced Imagery
"Royal loins"? Seriously? The phrase is not only uncomfortable, but it sounds ridiculous. The attempt to make this feel regal or divine misses the mark. It's not sexy; it’s cringey not to mention how many times you have used it in other poems
"Soft Pearly Gates" isn’t clever. It’s tacky. It feels like you're desperately trying to insert religious symbolism to elevate an otherwise basic sexual metaphor. But instead, it’s just awkward and lacks any true connection to the spiritual or sensual experience you’re trying to portray.
"The strength of a Yoruba God found in the might of his hair"? This reads like cultural appropriation wrapped in bad poetry. It’s as if you picked a random cultural reference just to sound mystical, but you didn’t really engage with it meaningfully. It doesn’t fit the rest of the poem and makes the whole thing feel forced and shallow, not to mention it's a reoccurring theme and has been over used in your other poetry
***As per your normal written ability it's a Cliché Overload
The poem is so filled with tired old clichés that it reads like a bad romance novel. The metaphors are tired snoring and boring, the imagery is tired, and it all feels like it’s been said a thousand times before in the same, boring ways in other boring poems you write You’re trying to make it epic and timeless, but you’re only recycling overused tropes that dilute any potential impact. “Easing into the desire,” “stairway to Heaven,” ok Led Zeppelin “divine passion”—these are all clichés that strip away any originality.
Where is that Originality ?
*** This poem is not only boring and cliche ridden but Tonally Inconsistent start to finish.
One minute, you’re talking about transcendent spiritual love; the next, you’re using phrases like “instilling his royal loins.” The sudden shifts from grand spiritual metaphors to crude, almost juvenile language are jarring. It’s hard to take any of this seriously because you can’t decide if you’re writing a sacred poem or an erotica piece. Pick a lane. The chaotic tonal shift leaves the reader disoriented instead of moved.
**Too Many References, Too Little Meaning
You’re packing in so many religious and cultural references (King Solomon, Yoruba gods, baptism, Creole temple), but none of them seem to serve any real purpose. They’re like name-dropping with no real thought behind them. It comes off like you’re trying to mask a lack of depth with a smattering of symbols and traditions you’ve thrown together without regard for their meaning. It’s confusing and ultimately shallow.
*** Overindulgence in Language
You’re drowning the reader in unnecessary words and phrases. “Baptizing my consecrated spirit deep within the turquoise waters of his soul”? It’s such an overblown sentence, it’s almost embarrassing. The excessiveness of it makes it feel fake—like you think piling on complex words will make the poem more profound, or you appear smarter than you are but it just makes it harder to digest. Less is often more. Here, you’ve fallen into the trap of “more is more,” but it’s suffocating the poem.
*** The French Line
If you’re going to throw in French at the end, make sure it feels earned. It’s not that the line is inherently bad, but it’s completely disconnected from the rest of the poem.
(Probably the only good point other than the poem ends)
It’s like a last-minute attempt to add sophistication, but it ends up feeling out of place, like you were trying to add a touch of class that didn’t belong. Plus, it’s a tired romantic trope to suddenly break into French when trying to sound profound.
Je peux parler 14 langues et le français est sur la liste
*** Lack of Real Emotion - Poem after Poem After Poem same story !!
Underneath all the ornate language, there's nothing real. Nothing raw. Nothing new, Nothing that makes the reader feel something genuine. It’s all show, no substance. The emotional depth is nonexistent, You’re playing with surface-level metaphors and imagery, but you're not capturing the gritty, visceral reality of love and passion. Where’s the vulnerability? Where’s the messiness? The honesty? What you’ve written here feels like a rehearsed performance, not an intimate moment, infact all your poetry feels this way and I know deep down you know what I'm saying ! Marinade on it like you so stupidly put!
*** Disconnected Sensuality
The poem’s supposed to be about sensuality, right? But the imagery feels sterile. It doesn’t make me feel the touch, the heat, the intimacy. The phrases are too clean, too polished—there’s no sweat, no skin, no tension. It reads like a sanitized version of virgin sex, devoid of any real urgency or raw desire, like there is nothing to drawn upon !
*** This poem has a Lack of Cohesion
You’re throwing a lot of ideas at the reader, but none of them are tied together in any meaningful way. The poem is a collection of metaphors, images, and ideas that seem slapped together without much thought or planning. If you’re going to use all these different elements, they need to work in harmony to create a cohesive experience. Right now, they just feel like a hodgepodge of random thoughts that you couldn’t decide on. It’s chaotic in a bad way.
*** Here is the Bottom Line
This poem is a another amazing mess. It’s overcompensating with its use of flowery language, tired imagery, and cultural references that don’t feel earned or integrated into the experience you’re trying to create. It’s trying to sound profound but ends up being hollow"empty" fake.. . If you want to write something truly impactful, you need to get out of your own head, drop the pretentious language, and need for self importance and just feel it. Don’t let the words drown the meaning.
This poem needs to be stripped down, rethought, and rewritten with a focus on raw, authentic emotion—otherwise, it’ll remain the bloated, forced spectacle it is right now !!
I hope this helps you to become a better writer who is deeper than merely skin deep cliche.
All the best Malcolm
This poem reeks of trying too hard. The constant barrage of grandiose, self-important phrases ("esoteric passage to my soul," "throne of divine passion," "sacred scrolls of earth’s divine origin") is exhausting. You're aiming for depth, but instead, you come across like you’re just throwing around flowery, empty phrases to look profound. It feels like a performance, not an authentic experience.
***The poem is Awkward, filled with Forced Imagery
"Royal loins"? Seriously? The phrase is not only uncomfortable, but it sounds ridiculous. The attempt to make this feel regal or divine misses the mark. It's not sexy; it’s cringey not to mention how many times you have used it in other poems
"Soft Pearly Gates" isn’t clever. It’s tacky. It feels like you're desperately trying to insert religious symbolism to elevate an otherwise basic sexual metaphor. But instead, it’s just awkward and lacks any true connection to the spiritual or sensual experience you’re trying to portray.
"The strength of a Yoruba God found in the might of his hair"? This reads like cultural appropriation wrapped in bad poetry. It’s as if you picked a random cultural reference just to sound mystical, but you didn’t really engage with it meaningfully. It doesn’t fit the rest of the poem and makes the whole thing feel forced and shallow, not to mention it's a reoccurring theme and has been over used in your other poetry
***As per your normal written ability it's a Cliché Overload
The poem is so filled with tired old clichés that it reads like a bad romance novel. The metaphors are tired snoring and boring, the imagery is tired, and it all feels like it’s been said a thousand times before in the same, boring ways in other boring poems you write You’re trying to make it epic and timeless, but you’re only recycling overused tropes that dilute any potential impact. “Easing into the desire,” “stairway to Heaven,” ok Led Zeppelin “divine passion”—these are all clichés that strip away any originality.
Where is that Originality ?
*** This poem is not only boring and cliche ridden but Tonally Inconsistent start to finish.
One minute, you’re talking about transcendent spiritual love; the next, you’re using phrases like “instilling his royal loins.” The sudden shifts from grand spiritual metaphors to crude, almost juvenile language are jarring. It’s hard to take any of this seriously because you can’t decide if you’re writing a sacred poem or an erotica piece. Pick a lane. The chaotic tonal shift leaves the reader disoriented instead of moved.
**Too Many References, Too Little Meaning
You’re packing in so many religious and cultural references (King Solomon, Yoruba gods, baptism, Creole temple), but none of them seem to serve any real purpose. They’re like name-dropping with no real thought behind them. It comes off like you’re trying to mask a lack of depth with a smattering of symbols and traditions you’ve thrown together without regard for their meaning. It’s confusing and ultimately shallow.
*** Overindulgence in Language
You’re drowning the reader in unnecessary words and phrases. “Baptizing my consecrated spirit deep within the turquoise waters of his soul”? It’s such an overblown sentence, it’s almost embarrassing. The excessiveness of it makes it feel fake—like you think piling on complex words will make the poem more profound, or you appear smarter than you are but it just makes it harder to digest. Less is often more. Here, you’ve fallen into the trap of “more is more,” but it’s suffocating the poem.
*** The French Line
If you’re going to throw in French at the end, make sure it feels earned. It’s not that the line is inherently bad, but it’s completely disconnected from the rest of the poem.
(Probably the only good point other than the poem ends)
It’s like a last-minute attempt to add sophistication, but it ends up feeling out of place, like you were trying to add a touch of class that didn’t belong. Plus, it’s a tired romantic trope to suddenly break into French when trying to sound profound.
Je peux parler 14 langues et le français est sur la liste
*** Lack of Real Emotion - Poem after Poem After Poem same story !!
Underneath all the ornate language, there's nothing real. Nothing raw. Nothing new, Nothing that makes the reader feel something genuine. It’s all show, no substance. The emotional depth is nonexistent, You’re playing with surface-level metaphors and imagery, but you're not capturing the gritty, visceral reality of love and passion. Where’s the vulnerability? Where’s the messiness? The honesty? What you’ve written here feels like a rehearsed performance, not an intimate moment, infact all your poetry feels this way and I know deep down you know what I'm saying ! Marinade on it like you so stupidly put!
*** Disconnected Sensuality
The poem’s supposed to be about sensuality, right? But the imagery feels sterile. It doesn’t make me feel the touch, the heat, the intimacy. The phrases are too clean, too polished—there’s no sweat, no skin, no tension. It reads like a sanitized version of virgin sex, devoid of any real urgency or raw desire, like there is nothing to drawn upon !
*** This poem has a Lack of Cohesion
You’re throwing a lot of ideas at the reader, but none of them are tied together in any meaningful way. The poem is a collection of metaphors, images, and ideas that seem slapped together without much thought or planning. If you’re going to use all these different elements, they need to work in harmony to create a cohesive experience. Right now, they just feel like a hodgepodge of random thoughts that you couldn’t decide on. It’s chaotic in a bad way.
*** Here is the Bottom Line
This poem is a another amazing mess. It’s overcompensating with its use of flowery language, tired imagery, and cultural references that don’t feel earned or integrated into the experience you’re trying to create. It’s trying to sound profound but ends up being hollow"empty" fake.. . If you want to write something truly impactful, you need to get out of your own head, drop the pretentious language, and need for self importance and just feel it. Don’t let the words drown the meaning.
This poem needs to be stripped down, rethought, and rewritten with a focus on raw, authentic emotion—otherwise, it’ll remain the bloated, forced spectacle it is right now !!
I hope this helps you to become a better writer who is deeper than merely skin deep cliche.
All the best Malcolm
