Dys Funk

When you are neuro-diversely dysegulated as fuck
 
Sometimes
that means  
(furiously.. )
 
scribbling down notes on google keep  
in a mid island north bound intra-atmospheric  
channeling of emotions  
into a poem  
 
after clocking a live wake
then watching the projected death
of your friend and fellow player
reach its conclusion
six days later
 
Then another two more  
and who could predict
overcoming fear paralysis  
but not before fucking up  
a performance puppet or audience  
or both toward
merged emotional disconnect  
of feigning participation  
but casting choke-throat muteness
because let’s face it  
silence is awkward
 
or fuck all of you square peg tick box
non spaghetti hair conformist mother fuckers
in a sudden job resignation  
easy come  
easy go
I prefer that you know this about me
I’ll go quietly and quickly  
 
Or standing underneath a windmill with friends
And feeling the blades slash your cheeks
 
Or contemplating
(what might have been a conjured up notion)
of a romantic fairytale
but watching the air expire  
a painfully fast blast
hissing out of a burst tyre  
burnt slash marks break
on the gravel pavement  
curbside of Karori hills  
 
It’s a dreamed up fantasy
an idealised non-reality
And factually the most profoundly  
deflating let down  
in love history
 
I’m NOT invisible
 
When you’re angry as fuck  
And you want to say it  
to your crew  
 
(sometimes)
You just have to.