deepundergroundpoetry.com
Too Shut Down To Argue
Although I think for myself and am very intelligent, I'm not the type to argue with people. For me, it's absolutely pointless. Because I know what's likely to happen- I'm going to be treated like my opinion is less than theirs or that I'm too dumb to be having this conversation.
So, I rather not be in the conversation at all. If I'm going to be gaslit or have my opinion distorted, I rather find the truth out on my own. I don't trust others to tell me because people look down upon me, and those kinds of people have biases and motives that are rooted in lies and deception.
Somewhere deep inside, I cry due to the fact that I can never know for sure if they're telling the truth or they're just trying to undermine me on purpose. I can never feel certain in my own opinions... Because deep down inside, I still question myself. I still worry if I'm wrong or if it's all my fault.
All I have is this art, my photography, and screenshots on my laptop to remind me of when someone believed in me.
I have to know my voice and opinions are insightful and actually matter, but still, I question whether I'm actually helping others or helping myself even. Whether I can ever be valued despite my learning disability (I have a processing disorder). Despite the fact I appear dumb to others.
In a world ruled by logic and order, all I have is saving me. All I have is self care. All I have is brutal honesty. And following that inner voice that guides my next steps.
So, I rather not be in the conversation at all. If I'm going to be gaslit or have my opinion distorted, I rather find the truth out on my own. I don't trust others to tell me because people look down upon me, and those kinds of people have biases and motives that are rooted in lies and deception.
Somewhere deep inside, I cry due to the fact that I can never know for sure if they're telling the truth or they're just trying to undermine me on purpose. I can never feel certain in my own opinions... Because deep down inside, I still question myself. I still worry if I'm wrong or if it's all my fault.
All I have is this art, my photography, and screenshots on my laptop to remind me of when someone believed in me.
I have to know my voice and opinions are insightful and actually matter, but still, I question whether I'm actually helping others or helping myself even. Whether I can ever be valued despite my learning disability (I have a processing disorder). Despite the fact I appear dumb to others.
In a world ruled by logic and order, all I have is saving me. All I have is self care. All I have is brutal honesty. And following that inner voice that guides my next steps.
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