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deepundergroundpoetry.com
the silent parts of this conversation are invisible
You ask me how I am
and I say something like
"Oh, you know, same shit
different day" ...
When I want to say
"I'm so depressed
my own darkness
gives me panic attacks"
I want to say
"I'm so unimaginably lonely
when you hang up the phone
it's like you were never here
at all"
I want to say
"I'm scared this emptiness
makes me unlovable"
I want to say
"I got so lost in the life
I've been given
I don't know who I am "
I want to say
"I forget what it feels like
to not hate every part of myself
so completely
I could put a gun to my own head
and flick the safety off
just for kicks
and that scares me more
than I can say"
You ask me how I am...
and I say something like
"Oh, you know, same shit
different day" ...
When I want to say
"I'm so depressed
my own darkness
gives me panic attacks"
I want to say
"I'm so unimaginably lonely
when you hang up the phone
it's like you were never here
at all"
I want to say
"I'm scared this emptiness
makes me unlovable"
I want to say
"I got so lost in the life
I've been given
I don't know who I am "
I want to say
"I forget what it feels like
to not hate every part of myself
so completely
I could put a gun to my own head
and flick the safety off
just for kicks
and that scares me more
than I can say"
You ask me how I am...
Published 14th Jan 2025
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15th Jan 2025 00:40am
You nailed it.
I held a knife to my heart once and could so easily have plunged it in.I don't know who it was that held that knife but it wasn't me.
People ask but the truth frightens them.They just cant understand why someone would want to harm themselves.
I held a knife to my heart once and could so easily have plunged it in.I don't know who it was that held that knife but it wasn't me.
People ask but the truth frightens them.They just cant understand why someone would want to harm themselves.
15th Jan 2025 2:08am
Your words will never leave you.
Thus, you're never really alone.
And us readers will make it a crowd.
Thus, you're never really alone.
And us readers will make it a crowd.
15th Jan 2025 5:55am
It is true that small talk is bullshit. "Same shit different day" is just one of many default responses to the same question, especially with coworkers at work, sometimes with friends. Suicide isn't a solution though, it doesn't end pain, it ends life and causes more pain. But it helps to put it out there in words as a way to vent.
18th Jan 2025 3:37pm
Yup... uranium melting through my core but all smiles and everything is as right as rain.
LJ
LJ
