(46) Lost, Lonely & High 01.01.2025 @ 5:56pm

Feeling hopeless once again!
I got some things on my mind.
Still on the run and under the influence!
I aim high just to hit rock bottom.

I confess that I’m still chopping lines.
Without you here, it doesn’t feel right.
I don’t see the point in getting high.
If you’re not here, then why?

Down here missing my little brother
Resentment growing deeper towards my mother
I can’t stand to look in the mirror
I hate pretending like my mind seems clearer

I’m struggling in my life.
All I think about is getting high.
It hurts to much to say goodbye.
I would have rather died.

We did everything together.
These days, all I see is cloudy weather.
Since you left, it’s always raining.
I’m really tired of complaining.

I can’t help feeling so fucking miserable.
This hole I’m in feels bottomless, sinkable
Like I’m stuck in the abyss.
This dark energy drains me completely of bliss.

I feel like there’s no hope.
I’m alone now, still doing dope.
Sometime soon, I might hang myself with a rope.
They ask if I’m okay, I say nope!

What do they want me to do or say?
To put a smile on my face and say I’m okay?
Fuck all that, I feel what I feel.
Having a broken heart is part of the deal.

Judging eyes always gleam.
Nothing’s ever what it seems.
Remembering explaining the saying to him;
“Smiling faces show no traces of evil that lurks within”

I’m still angry at the way they set him up.
No way I’m letting this go, ever.
Revenge I will pursue in due time.
One way or another, this is for you bro!

I hate myself for what happen that day!
I blame myself for being the stupidest!
I’m sorry about the last thing I said papa!
I didn’t want you to go, not ever!

Still mourning like if it just happen.
I bet the devil is fucking laughing.
Fuck him for taking my little brother!
He was one of a kind, unlike any other.

I had a mental image of our future.
All the hope I had was for you.
I don’t know how to live with myself.
Dwelling on the guilt, contemplating suicide.

I failed you and I’m so sorry.
I swore to protect you, I’m sorry.
I hope you forgive me.
I really wish it was me.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t give up.
To bring him back, this feels corrupt.
I’m constantly stressing.
It’s my brother I’m missing.

You helped me get through the day.
I don’t even want to be here today.
Fuck bro, I have so much to say.
I can’t accept what happen, no way.

I’m still in denial.
I’m looking at my phone, ready to dial
It hurts knowing I won’t see your text anymore.
Deathwish, I wish it was me out the final door.

I don’t want to do anything.
I’m ready to give up on everything.
To be with you once more but in death!
Cigarettes got me running out of breath.

We bonded so much like true brothers.
Your love, I never had enough.
I’ll always cherish your warm loving heart.
Mine feels like it’s been stung by a dart.

None of this makes sense.
My time here is feeling condensed.
I’m here waiting to see you again.
My only question is, when?

I really wonder if you can see me.
I would love for you to come get me!
I would kill just to be with you, free.
How could I just let things be?