Forbidden Thoughts

As I sit at my window watching this winter storm, I am invaded by thoughts of my past and how things could have been. I think of a particular past lover, one who knew my body like it belonged to him. I used to write often of our trists, and naughty sessions. Looking back I'm thankful I never spoke of my feelings and played it cool. The more we met and talked, the more he had me falling for him. I, of course, never let him get even a clue. I didn't want to scare him, and I didn't want it to end.

I can tell you it's true, what they say about a Latino lover. You can't help but to move with their body in dance, sing with their beautiful accent and smile at those dark mysterious eyes. This man was every bit of tall dark and handsome. His body so muscular and voice so soothing. His smile so contagious. To know him, to realy know him is to love him.

When I hear his voice my butterflies flutter. When I see him, my Netherlands tingle. When I see a message from him, my mind can't help but imagine our many intimate interactions. I ask myself if I could do it over, would I? Yes. A thousand times yes! The only change I'd make, is to actually wake up curled to his chest, and his arms wrapped around me. I'd show him my vulnerable side, I want him to take me, all of me.
Perhaps one day, I might find myself waking in his embrace. One day I will let my heart have her way. But today it's just a forbidden thought. Today, I will sit in silence and sip my coffee by the window, reminiscing of what was, and fantasize about what could be.