Numb Misery

The drink calls for me
Whispering calming release
The bitter always present
An attempt to hide with sweet
The cravings will not cease
A desire for the turmoil to relent
 
Her voice, once strong in memory
Fading into my own, holding on  
To the honeyed words spoken
Once to be light and feathery
Now to be labored and gone
My spirit feels so broken
 
Do you know what she would say?
Every holiday when asked  
What gift she seeks?
"You" she'd convey  
"In that dress" said at last
"Under the christmas tree"
 
How can I continue my sobriety?
When these once echoed affections  
Have become unbearably agonizing?
My existence is riddled with anxiety
At least with alcohol, there are no directions
The liberty from myself is unbelievably tantalizing