Adjacent Fires

hello dearest Styxian I believe I am on your wavelength tonight my friends husband died tonight and I thought about losing my husband and just earlier today I was talking to God and I asked him was I ready for heaven and for getting my heavenly masters degree he said perhaps not quite yet that I have much to learn under his tutelage I told him I never wanted to get to a point there was no more to learn...as far as companions I think he is always learning new things about us and we him... I am very sorry for your loss... this is a very beautiful write 💕

He died years ago. I haven't really dwelled on it much, for whatever reason. He and I were so different. It's hard to believe we had the same parents.
 Yet, thank you for your encouraging comment. This write just wrote itself, seemingly. I was at a weird place in my head perhaps.

well we go where our souls lead in our thoughts...I used to try and fight it...especially when I write I love the being I call God who communes with me but I struggle talking about it because he is very different than described by most humans...I've tried to talk to people before with what I  have encountered with him but it never works out...I think the congregation is different and believe me I tried to fit in but God would not allow this and revealed a different side of himself...

We all have our beliefs in a creator, a heavenly being, etc. I don't think there is a wrong result. It's whatever works to get us through a tolerable life.
What I do know is there is no eternal damnation to a hell. A God wouldn't bother with a trivial punishment to such minor creatures such as us. It's irrelevant to a God. A God is not vengeful. It's wasted energy. A God would take those worthy, and the rest would be seen as "whatever" and be simply dust.
Actually, a God doesn't require worship. Praise or not doesn't effect the power of a God. It would simply shrug it's shoulders and again, say whatever. Still a God, untethered to human situations.
  Live a good life. That's all we have to do. I promise.

Dear S,

This poem has me gutted, fascinated, leaning in, mesmerized, mostly in awe of the outstanding work you produce. The conversation you hold with you and the reader is simply brilliant. A man of belief. A man who does good. A man who shows his vulnerability. A man who has hope. I’ve had a number of losses these past two months and the thought process in this piece have hit home with laser precision. Brilliant write. H🌷

Thank you, H, so much for that. Some days I'm a too vulnerable human. Loss of life effects me a bit too much sometimes.
I miss my brother. But, I miss the one I had hoped he'd be. He never was. He was lost.

I'm sorry for your losses. It never gets numb either. Some vacancies cannot ever be refilled.
We strive though, forward. So please always do so.

I like that you are lighting the torch, illuminating the way for those worthy of Heaven. I can almost imagine you at the gate, nodding politely in your smart tuxedo as they all shuffle past at The Edge Of Heaven. That title also happened to be a huge chart hit for WHAM! but we won't go there! 😉 It was a very touching write. That was not lost on me. 😊🙏

WHAM?!  I had no idea. Lol
Dude, I won't be in a tux. I will be in blue jeans, an untucked button up shirt, and awesome cowboy boots that Del got me!  I'm going someday, and I'm going comfy!
  Thank you Billy. This was an emotional write for me. It wasn't planned.

“But he will let me hold a torch
at the entrance
And maybe someone I once helped save
will pass through the gate
and remember me
as they are blanketed in light
As I ward off their old shadow”

I read this stanza over and over.
Our good deeds are reflected in the daily lives of others and most often we aren’t aware of the impact we’ve had.
I think we lose sight of that because life gets in the way, our own judgements get in the way.
It’s just what came to mind when I read this stanza.

Your poems are poetic masterpieces, Styxian.

I've had some real doozies for screwups back in the day. Mixed with good deeds for those who could use it. I've never been a saint. But I'm doing pretty good not being a bane on society. Lol.
 And I sincerely appreciate the compliment. I'm always conscious of the quality that I post. I am a harsh critic upon myself.

This is very cerebral. You took us through your thoughts of hurt and confusion and ultimately wash your hands with your brother.
Then you write contemplating are you good enough to hold the torch.were you a good person.
Just asking shows you are. Nice read

My dad and my two older sisters steered me just by being around enough. Credit them.
  And, writing. It's always my therapy.

Thank you, Fia. Truly.

Brilliantly written, Mark. Into the list it belongs. Flawlessly executed, my friend. I connect with this on so many levels. Wonderful storytelling, and a great read. Thanks for sharing. Appreciate you.

Damian    

Thanks Damain. When I'm done with DUP,  hopefully I will still be surrounded by good people with a shared interest in expressive writing. Such as you. In return, I definitely appreciate it when bonds are formed by like minded writers.  Thank you for that.

Fantastic write. I am sorry that you had to write it. I agree with Honoria that it is gutting. I think it is interesting that you talk about jotting down notes in a bible. I am a believer in writing in books that I own. I think it adds to the personal importance of the book that it now contains words and thoughts from the reader. It becomes a living entity maybe there is even a conversation with the text- no longer a static object. I think its sacredness is heightened when the owner’s words are added. I have very strict rules- I can choose to write in my books, I would never write in another’s book without permission.

 The writing in the bible by the bed is only creative writing on my part. I have the bible that I received when I was baptised as a child, a hundred years ago? Lol.  But it is put away.
 Side story: When I went to the police academy, I did pretty well on all requirements. The law portion instructor and I didn't get along at all, though. It was at a critical moment in florida and my version of justice and theirs were not in alignment. Mainly because I had kids and he didn't. So, he was soft on some issues.
 On the law test, I got a 98.4 score. No one else was close to that. He was visibly mad.
But, he was also in charge of grading our notebooks/notes. I didn't know they would be graded. I had doodled all throughout mine. Because I was so bored in his class.
He obviously failed mine, bringing my overall score down. Because of doodles. Lol.
  He was fired before the next batch of trainees. Not because of me.

Anyway, thank you for your awareness on my write. It was a task to write, for sure. Yet, I wrote it non stop, and edited a little today. Now I can set it down and be less weighted.

You always take us on these journeys that both place us beside you & show us more than words. Light that torch & bring hope with you

Hey Willow, no one truly wants to be alone for long. Even the feral cats of the world. The older I get, the better I see. And hopefully when I write, it just may help another see something too.
That's why we share.
My saying is "Assume the good". And I do try my best to live that way.

I honestly got teary eyes reading this because I know you. We’ve had so many interesting talks about family and the here after. What comes next? Are we worthy of a forgiving after life?
God forbid, do we come back.  Your perspective on our talks is always based on facts and what can be proven. Then I read this and I see a sliver of maybe. Maybe there is a god. And yes , if there is,  you have a golden seat at the table.

And just maybe god is the one holding that torch for you to help usher you inside mister.

Loved this write even though it made me cry!,
And I hope you are feeling better sweetie.

Oh my love, I do believe in a "God". I believe in hopeful results. You know that.
But, Heaven is what we create in our now. It's a way of thinking. There is no value placed upon happiness. It's priceless. Like you. Thank you for bringing peace to my soul.
Really.

This reminded me of long autobiographical poems like “The Double Image” by Anne Sexton. The images here are very strong, conveying both the dead brother and the image of heaven with great clarity. Clarity of image is missing from so much internet poetry, and you nail it here, well done.

Thank you for that. I do tend to ramble on when I write. But hopefully it can keep a reader interested enough to find it rewarding. That's my goal here anyway.