Suicide Is Not Selfish

Josh told me that 4 months before January that he was in the mental hospital for wanting to kill himself. And while sometimes I still worry if he's even still alive, I wouldn't blame him. I wouldn't be mad at him for wanting to die. His dad fucked him, and a girl harassed him last year. Give him a break, world.
 
Robert, my friend I met up with at the mall yesterday, told me he's not ready to kill himself yet. And although it would kill me if he died, I wouldn't be mad. I know how much he suffered from his mom's narcissistic abuse.
 
Wesley, another guy friend who I know, is too disabled to work and feels like he is absolutely falling apart. He wants to die after his mom dies. But I don't blame him. He suffered enough.

And then, there's me... I self harmed last week, really screaming at myself. I so wanted to end everything even after so much healing.
 
When you've gone through the pain we have, it is no wonder why we off ourselves. Society spits on us, and we're just supposed to take it.
 
Like Kati Morton on YouTube has said, suicide is not selfish. Because yes, while you are not in a place to think about how you might affect others, you are also not here to live for others. You are here because you are inherently worthy and you deserve to do what makes you happy.
 
But sometimes, the happy button is no longer accessible, and we just want out forever.
 
Forever into the abyss, forever forgotten.