Realizing I Got Everything I Ever Wanted

Religious trauma had told me to believe in the white picket fence narrative.
 
That I must be married to be sexually and spiritually complete, and that I must have tons of babies. And yes, while I do wish for a kid, my logic overrides and just relaxes and says, "You know, I'm too tired for that. I wish to be free. Childfree forever."
 
I already got my dream with Josh... I'm realizing that. I'm forever stuck in the friendzone like I want- Link and Zelda in that old Cartoon show. Except Link gets his sexy kiss and that sexy Princess. I never want this to change!
 
I got everything I ever wanted- a best friend and a fuck buddy for life. He's probably not talking to me because he thinks I'm mad at him or doesn't want that. But I do, and I told him tonight.
 
And now I'm just begging to get laid and for some cute cuddles, lol.
 
The more and more I realize that I am Mew and cannot be caught in a Pokeball, the better. The sooner I realize that I want the high life, and I want the space and time to create this temple and change the world through my art.
 
I don't want commitment, I have no capacity for commitment and expectations, but that doesn't have to be wrong. Religious trauma confined me, and I'm angry for it, yet calm.
 
Calm knowing that Josh probably will come back now,
 
and I'll get one hell of a good dicking.