Secrets - Longing

'Okay,' I say, rummaging through the postbox.  'We'll take the lift.'

We step out of the lip, onto the top floor and head right, to my flat. I attempt to open my door. Locked. Strange. I try again. The door opens. I must have left it unlocked earlier. Very odd.  I locked it before I drove off to see Gordon Day in Burrington – didn't I? 
Or, maybe, I didn't.  I was upset earlier, right?  About the visit to your parents.  I left in a hurry, to see Gordon. I must have forgotten. I won't do that again.

I prepare a shepherd's pie in my flat and cart it over to Mel's when she arrives home from work. The aroma of mince and potatoes from the shepherd's pie transports me again to the old back-to-front house on the estate, and not for the first time I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could grab you by the shoulders, Craig, and shake you, and tell you that you must never go to the reservoir on Whaley hill. I see my old football kit hanging in the airing cupboard in the house on the estate, you and Gordon and Callum and Shane cramped round the TV on Saturday afternoons, cheering and punching the air while Mel, Little Mel, plays with her crayons, eyes large and serious, black hair down to her waist. Those were great times back then. The weekends. The bike rides to the park. Soccer by the swings. Pocket money and sweets. Cheese on toast for Saturday tea.

'You seem a bit quiet,' Mel says after supper.
           
'Just tired,' I say. 'I think I'll go to the off licence and get some beers in.'
           
'You need to watch that,' Mel says, voice down so Robert won't hear.
           
'It's only a couple.'
            '
A couple can easily become another couple. Remember?'
           
'Sis,' I protest.
           
'Okay, this time. Just be careful. And don’t you dare take any of those painkillers if you're drinking.'
           
'I wouldn't dare.'
           
'Hmm,' she says, looking fiercely at me. 
           
'I'd be too scared of getting trounced.'
           
 'Fine,' she says. 'The off licence's up the hill, first right. Do you want anything, Robert?'
           
'No.'
           
'Go on, my treat.'
           
'I don't want anything.'
           
'Bring back some chocolate anyway. Yes, and some red. If you're having a drink, so am I.'
           
'Sure.' I give Mel a mock salute and leave, taking the lift down to the ground floor. When I step into the entrance hall, the same creepy silence from earlier greets me, interrupted only by the steady tap of drizzle on the glass dome in the ceiling. I'm standing in darkness. All the lights have gone out. I try one of the switches on the wall. Nothing happens. Odd. For a second or two, I think I hear footsteps on one of the balconies. Light rapid ones.

'Hello?' I call up in the darkness.
           
Silence.