deepundergroundpoetry.com
Under My Ark
Buy an Ark
Transport just my family
Ark is big enough but you aren’t coming
Ark on Gravel, big wheels, better watch out
Ark just mowed down 7 little kids I couldn’t see
But I’m on the Ark I feel like a Viking King
Don’t pay attention to the lives I mowed down
Feel Real Big On a Viking Sled
My family is protected by my Ark
Don’t think about other people on the streets
My Ark is my Covenant but not to you
You are gravel under my Ark’s wheels
My family is protected and I
Don’t care about anyone else
My Ark is Big but I have a little Dick
My dick is small so I show you My Big Ark
Just don’t be in front of me
Gravel and children are small under an Ark’s wheels
3/9/24
Transport just my family
Ark is big enough but you aren’t coming
Ark on Gravel, big wheels, better watch out
Ark just mowed down 7 little kids I couldn’t see
But I’m on the Ark I feel like a Viking King
Don’t pay attention to the lives I mowed down
Feel Real Big On a Viking Sled
My family is protected by my Ark
Don’t think about other people on the streets
My Ark is my Covenant but not to you
You are gravel under my Ark’s wheels
My family is protected and I
Don’t care about anyone else
My Ark is Big but I have a little Dick
My dick is small so I show you My Big Ark
Just don’t be in front of me
Gravel and children are small under an Ark’s wheels
3/9/24
Published 21st Nov 2024
Author's Note
Carmakers are making SUV’s and Trucks supersized.
I saw a story where 7 children were put in front of a big truck and the driver couldn’t see them. That cybertruck has sharp edges on the front. If you were to be struck by that you would be in ribbons.
I saw a story where 7 children were put in front of a big truck and the driver couldn’t see them. That cybertruck has sharp edges on the front. If you were to be struck by that you would be in ribbons.
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reading list entries 0
comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st Nov 2024 2:28pm
Hey dude, loved this write. I enjoy poems that work perspective and have some flexibility in narration style. I like that you chose to capitalize words like "Ark" and "Viking King" to show the sense of superiority and self-grandeur of the narrator. This reminds me of the stories you hear about entire tribes in the Amazon going missing because of the "developments" taking place there. The side-by-side grouping of children and gravel under the Ark is a really powerful way to end the poem. Were there any concerns you had about the write that you would like feedback on?
22nd Nov 2024 00:12am
Thank You Mars A! I’m a total novice when it comes to poetry so any feedback would be much appreciated. I started writing or trying to write lyrics and then I found DUP and a lot of my writing seemed to fit here. Appreciate your comments!
22nd Nov 2024 00:19am
My only feedback, as someone who barely knows what she's doing, would be to count syllables in your lines when scoring the poem. That way it hits the properly, for instance:
"But I'm on the Ark I am the Viking King"
I think would benefit from being broken up into two separate lines.
But I am on the Ark (6)
I am the Viking King (6)
A pause in between really makes it big, you know?
"But I'm on the Ark I am the Viking King"
I think would benefit from being broken up into two separate lines.
But I am on the Ark (6)
I am the Viking King (6)
A pause in between really makes it big, you know?
