Rivulets

Write it out, talk. If you have one reason, that’s all you need at the moment.

Yes! Truth to power. Hugs and love, Oral

That’s one hellova thing that has a hold on you, keep up the good fight - no judgement.

There is a man in a hospital 1.3 miles away.  He has 4th stage cancer.  He has had multiple treatments.  He is in extreme pain.  Less than three months left.  He's 62 and won't make it to 63.  A month ago he picked up a book bag and 2 bones broke.  He is bedridden.  He wears diapers.  They amputated his legs yesterday.  There are all kinds of pain.  Like the lifetime pain 3 nine year old girls must endure because HE orally sodomized them.  He served only 3 yrs.  

I wasn't one of his victims.  I had many other men use and abuse me.  But I wait for this asshole to die.  Both wanting him gone and wanting it to drag out.  There are only 3 of my known abusers left.  I watch the obits.  I don't drink and drug anymore.  I never cut.  I guess I'm too numb.  I write and try to twist an invisible knife in nearly every piece.  We all get through our pain, frustrations and life - in our own way. Day by day.

I am familiar with my share of abuse. The very first to take my virginity was my biological mother. I think I was 1, if that. Then it was my adoptive father. Cps in and out every day, fine with the explanation "She did it to herself." That's not to mention the spider-infested basement and mental institutions from the age of four and starvation and unending injuries. I'm drowning. I can't feel my own skin anymore. Do you have any advice? As far as writing or anything else?

Wow!  My mother also first but when I was 4.  Step-father Jim second.  My grandfather who abused my mother. Another step-father.  Mother's boyfriends.  Her male friends.  Names I don't even know.  I could go on and on.  I write.  I get up in the morning.  Repeat.  I have no advice.  Just don't hurt yourself.  Cry yourself to sleep and start the day over.  Unless you have nightmares, too.  My mother loved putting me in the basement, too.  Read my piece, "It's all I knew."

I certainly will, I wanted to yesterday, got caught up in some stuff. I'm going to read it now. I know this never helps, and I'd say something different if I knew it would help, but please take care of yourself and hang in there.