LEILA

Leila was a girl who was always looked over and went unnoticed through life. She was something else and she always knew that this life was the wrong lifetime and that she would never fit in anywhere. She never saw beauty in herself and most of the time she was miserable. She would make others laugh and smile but never realized that she was just a temporary place holder for when the real friends didn't show... She was useable. Replaceable and she didn’t mind because even being used meant that she was good for something...
See, to understand Leila, You need a little background. Leila was always a friendly little girl and at the age of 6 she was molested. And because she thought she was protecting her sisters, she didn't say a word to anyone about what was happening. She thought she did something wrong or bad and that it was her punishment. Her mom and dad was so caught up in just trying to provide and survive that they never noticed the blood in her underwear or the change in her behavior. On the outside everything seemed fine but Leila was dying inside. Avoiding the encounters with her abuser was futile as he lived with them. He crawled, like the predator he was, to her bed every night and told her she was doing it for her family and that she was beautiful
Leila endured all that while being a top student is school. Always a best achiever. Always the girl who had a smile that hid so much pain and trauma. Her abuse went on for years and no one noticed a thing. She was so good at keeping secrets that it just became normal. Whatever happens happens!!!!! HE had to move away for some or other reason and she could breathe. For a while at least. Poverty was also another issue but that never phased her really as she was very content with her new found freedom from her abuser. Life went on and she was still sad, pretending she wasn't violated didn’t work as she could still feel how his fingers penetrated her or how his breath smelled. The saliva traces he left smelled just as bad. His presence was still felt. The scars he left was still raw and her soul was bruised beyond what words can explain.
Leila came from a big family. Her mom had so many brothers and sisters you would think that it was a tribe on their own. Her abuser was a cousin who came from the inland to come work at the coast. During the time of his move there, her father had an accident at work and he could not work at all for a long time. The cousin, we will call him James, Helped out financially and gave Leila's mom much needed financial assistance. Leila and her mom never really had much of a relationship from the beginning. There was no bond or trust and it was ok because her father actually favored her so she knew love from a parent. She knew if her father ever found out what was happening that he would be shattered and she saw him cry way too often as he was always scared of not being able to protect his daughters. Even at the tender age of 6, she knew that if she said something, it would have major consequences. She decide it was for the best to keep silent and maybe it wouldn't happen to her sisters if she ALLOWED him to do so.
The abuse continued until she was 9. Her sister who lived in Windhoek would come visit often and she did notice something was wrong. She and her husband took Leila out to their place and questioned her about what was going on. Even though Leila didn’t admit anything, her sister knew something had happened. Her sister warned her mom that the place they were living in is not ok because as girls they needed privacy and living in a one room shack made it difficult. A few months after that James moved out and all seemed well.
Life went on and Leila was just a normal girl. She did normal things but never got into a space where she liked boys. She was a tomboy and would always be a friend or homie to the guys while the other girls would be prim and proper ladies.
Everything was well for a bit... Leila turned 13 and her family got struck with more tragedy. They were on a long call that night with her sister that lives in Windhoek. Promises and plans were made for a visit and it was settled. She would come visit and that was always a nice treat when she was around. She was in a very abusive relationship but back then no one interfered in married people’s issues. Everyone was aware of the abuse and like in most colored households it was normal for a man to hit his woman. He killed her that night. He beat her up and then shot her twice. Once in the chest and as she was crawling to the door in her own blood, He shot her again in the back. Her hands was closed so firm and tight when they finally got the body back in Swakopmund. Her father held her body when she arrived and the amount of sadness that came with that cry and the way he cried for a child that was not his(he just raised her). Leila looked at her father that day and she knew the love he had for them was beyond measure. She also knew that keeping the secret is for the best and that she could not see her father in so much pain. He cried so much. Almost like the pain and tears made a connection that could not be broken. But he was broken. To see the child that you raised, Murdered and hurt. It was beyond the understanding of any human who hasn't gone through that. He (the sister’s husband) shot himself in the head leaving their 1&2 year old son and daughter orphaned. Leila's older sister was taking care of the kids while the parents were alive so she and her husband just adopted the kids. Needless to say the loss was felt and although no one cared about the husband who shot himself, Leila cried for him as she loved him. They always had a good bond and she thought that he is not as bad as everyone made him out to be. She watched how his parents cried for him, the loss they felt and Leila was devastated. Not only did she loose her sister, but a brother in law who she adored as well. The day of the funeral Leila couldn't leave the grave site. Leaving her sister in the ground was just unimaginable. She sat there asking God how he could allow this, why so much pain and so much trauma. God never said a word. He did not answer Leila. She left the grave convinced that this God was not a God of love but a God who allowed bad things to happen to good people.
Leila turned to the darkness. She thought that anything would be better than feeling that void and so broken. A friend at school invited her to a party and she went. She got introduced to a whole new world of the deep dark underground world of devil worshipping. At first she did not partake and just went to the meeting for years. At 15 she got her initiation into the circle and she drank blood for the first time. There was a blue moon and a sacrifice of blood had to be offered. Being around the Satanists, she became aware of the rituals and the proceedings during these offering. A virgin was to offer clean blood for everyone to drink. She walked up to the alter, cut open her wrists and everyone had a drink from the cup. Leila tasted the blood and to her surprise, she did not hate the taste. It made her feel empowered and fierce. She cried out and started laughing in pure joy and feeling emancipated in some way. Empowered by darkness and she loved it. There was one rule while she was part of the cult... She was not allowed to have sex or anything that would make her impure. She was happy with the rule as she did not really care for boys or the sexual nature normal teenagers had.
With poverty still being an issue Leila and her sister had to move to another town where they schooled for a year. Again the same type of sexual abuse followed Leila and what made it worse, it was people who was supposed to protect them. She begged her father to go back to Swakopmund and threatened that she would run away and leave school. Her father knew something was up and he let them go back home even though he still was in recovery from the accident he had. Leila's father also fell into drug abuse but that also became normal. Again, these things are normal within the colored community. They went back to Swakopmund and resumed school there. The situation was not good but it was better than being molested day after day by people she trusted
Leila turned 16 and she was still a good girl despite still being a devil worshipper. She made new friends and got invited to a party by one of these good friends. His name was Dimitri. Handsome guy with wet black hair and a smile to die for. He was 21 but sweet on Leila. She never gave into his charm although she did feel some type of attraction towards him. He was likable and he had everything a young lady would want in a guy. He had a good job despite his age and he was studying as well. He did well in school and had a bright future. Leila was just not ready to have a relationship, an intimate relationship with a man. Her body was activated at an early age and she did suffer with feelings of being aroused and the hormones torturing her. They arrived at the party and it was so much fun. Dimitri danced with Leila all night and he took care of her. As the party was dying down he pulled her to the side and asked her for some time alone. She did not have any objection as they knew each other and she felt safe with him. They got to the room and talked for a bit. He told her how beautiful she was and that her vibe and energy was too mature for these young boys her age. He kissed her... Biting her lip and she could feel herself getting wet. She immediately remembered how she felt when her cousin was touching on her and she pushed him away. He did not take kindly to the rejection and as she was about to leave he pulled her back and punched her so hard in the face that she lost consciousness. She woke up to him on top of her (naked) and she started to fight him. He then hit her again and again and she could feel how her warm blood ran down her chest and face. He managed to get her into a secure hold and he forcefully penetrated her tearing her vaginal flesh... He kept telling her that girls who pretend to be good deserved to be taught a lesson. The pain got so bad that she passed out twice. She gave up fighting him and just laid there crying hoping and praying that he would be done soon. She heard someone coming down the hall way and started to scream. The music was loud so she never had any real hope of anyone hearing her. Luckily Dimitri's brother came looking for him and found him raping Leila. He pulled him off and started beating him nonstop. He just laid there not knowing what had hit him. His brother (Felix) took Leila and put her in the shower and went back to beating on his brother. He came back with a blanket and wrapped it around Leila. He picked her up and took her to his car. She was still bleeding from her nose and her mouth and her vagina was ripped open. Felix was on his way to the hospital when Leila asked him to stop and take her anywhere but to the hospital and not home either. The mother Leila had showed no sympathy for her daughter. Leila tried to tell her once what had happened and she just told her to not tell lies. Felix, not knowing what to do took Leila back to his place. He got some pads and some of his clothes and he cleaned her wounds. When the bleeding stopped he went out and got supplies to take care of her wounds properly. He called a friend of his who is a vet and he did the stitching on Leila's torn open vagina. Leila stay with Felix for over 2 weeks and he took care of her. She trusted him. Not only because he saved her but he respected her wishes and he was willing to report his own brother. He showed kindness and made her feel like she was going to be ok. She was gonna be ok.