Mother-Wound

I.  
 
I have been blessed  
with time  
but find it difficult  
to believe  
I have been alive  
almost double-over the years  
my mother lived  
 
We were not close  
before she gave up the ghost  
and having matured  
through deep introspection  
I came to know the whys  
of the mother-wound  
 
She was only 14  
when she married  
my father, who was 16—  
normal for that period of time  
   
Their love story was great  
and lasted 20 years  
ending the year  
my father retired  
their dreams sinking  
six feet under  
 
I didn't talk or think  
about my mother much  
with the exception  
of harboring regret  
that I wasn't older  
or at least outgrown  
my rebelliousness  
 
Nor that I possessed  
the knowledge  
of shadow work  
while she still breathed  
   
When I would see friends  
with their mothers  
retired with grace and age  
I felt pained—  
  my mother-wound triggered  
and wondered  
if given a chance  
 she and I  
 would've been friends  
 
II.  
 
I dreamt of my father  
immediately  
after he left this earth  
 
He was reading a paper  
and eating an apple  
like he always did  
 
He turned the paper around  
and grinned at me  
like he always did  
and pointed to a headline  
that said,  
 
“I leave all my choices  
up to God”  
 
It’s the first time  
I had seen his face  
at peace  
since my mother’s illness  
 
But I never dreamt  
of my mother  
until recently—  
 45 years after her death  
 
We were sitting on my sofa  
she was looking around  
taking everything in  
like it was the first time  
she had visited me  
 
It was early spring  
and my door was open  
while we talked  
about everything  
 
She seemed confused  
when I asked  
how she was here  
  being she had died  
  decades ago  
 
She answered,  
"But I'm not gone  
“I'm here with you"  
 
We burst out laughing  
long and loud and hard  
over how silly the idea  
of separation had become  
 
Just like we were the oldest  
and dearest of friends  
catching up  
after so much time  
 
III.  
 
I woke, comforted  
knowing my mother-wound  
had finally closed  
 
IV.  
 
I saw a friend today  
her mother on her arm  
I felt no pain  
only joy for them both