Trite, cliché, pretentious

A damn fine entry for your first poem. Pleasure to be the first to read, like and comment. Welcome, nicely done.

Thanks Steve.

This is great! Welcome to DU. You will fit in very nicely!!!

Thank you, Rachel!

This is some seriously smoldering suspension-of-disbelief ass-dismembering wrathful bone-of-contention-style sexy, sultry, attack on the senses of lacklustre (it told me to correct that but fuck that, I prefer "re") lucidity built up in the frontal lobe looking for a limbic ride to a good time type of write right here!  I mean fuckdamn, that was hot!  This part right here:
 
And if I compared you to a summer’s day,  
the tan lines on my ass would be from your hands  
as they gripped into me, like I was an oasis in a merciless desert,  
matching the nail marks on your back, as I equally found rain in the wasteland.  
 
...was the literal (see what I did there?) straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.  Welcome to DUP, Betty!  Or allow me to say that DUP is better for your presence.
 
 
Sincerely,
PTM
 
p.s. I like hyphen-splicing words and phrases together.

Thanks Pierre,

I'll forgive you the hyphen-splice, it's a personal weakness of mine as well. And I see your fuckdamn and raise you a shitballs.

Again, thanks for a kickass review. 'Preciate it.
Betty

Betty

You reminded me of Terrance Mallik.
This write is as good as Badlands.

I loved this

'And were I to compare you to a summer’s day,
your eyes would be novas
burning past my white tank top,
your wolfish grin a heat wave prickling my skin against the feral breeze.'  


and

'And if I compared you to a summer’s day,
the tan lines on my ass would be from your hands
as they gripped into me, like I was an oasis in a merciless desert,
matching the nail marks on your back, as I equally found rain in the wasteland'

(Though I was not sure about the use of 'into'
post 'grip'.)

And what a beautiful end.

Welcome to DUP. Some entry that is.

Sumeet

Thanks Sumeet.

Do you have a link, or an ISBN number for Badlands? I checked Amazon, totally couldn't find it (and I'm a little OCD at times so I have to read it now. Or the Mayans will win.)

Beautiful review. Thanks. The into could read awkward. Any suggestions?

And I'm really glad you got the ending. That's cool.

Thanks again for the read/review,
Betty

OCD is always a good thing.
 
I am OCD. With sequences. I think
it's rather CDO.:)
 
The Mayans won't. That guy ran out of
the stone. Simple as that. In the larger
picture the earth is but a stone. One
will never know.
 
'Into' can be removed. Grip is strong.
Fifty times than 'hold'. Just 'grip'
is fine. As a reader I am seeing a pair
of strong, hairy hands already. Hope that
made sense.

Sumeet

I'm not actually OCD, I'm just compelled to look stuff up. I guess that would count as a branch, huh?

Which would explain... a lot.

I deleted 'into' just to see what it looks like. It works. Thanks for the feedback!

i cannot up PTM on this one, so just add my fan-girl ass to the list... for now. [:

hard! wish i could write like this!

That was a pretty damn good review, so I respect your honesty.

Totally the thought that counts.

Thank you m'dear,
Betty

I see you've got a few comments from a few of the best poets on DU! Great poem, fun and summery!

Thanks opheliac. I was aiming for summery.

'Preciate the read,
Betty

Really liked the way you took some classic literature and made a new poem around it with some very sexy imagery.

Thanks.

Messing around with Sonnet 18 was really fun, glad you recognized it.

You make the personification of nature a true art form here!

Welcome to DU!

Thanks, Jazz. 'Preciate it.

yep, A great read. A fine mix of wit and sincerity
written in a real cool and calm way.

Thoroughly enjoyed it from the start.

Cheers!

Thanks Eamon, glad you enjoyed.

This made my day a tad warmer.Very nice for your first piece.can't wait to read more

Groovy.

Thanks for the encouragement/read/review.

(Did I already ask you about the bugs in your profile pic?)

i'm joining the welcome wagon a little late here, but this was a really solid first piece. like jesta, i can't compete with ptm's comment, so i think i'll just leave it there.

oh, but welcome to DUP. in honesty, i think we've scared the past 5 or so people off who made 'hello, i'm new here' forums, similar to yours, but lacking the wit, so you have already jumped the highest hurdle of this website. i hope you'll stick around. :]

Hi aglitch,

I like it here, which means I'll be pretty hard to run off. I mean, pitchforks and torches is a regular Saturday night from where I come from.

Thanks for the welcome.

Betty

Exquisite vocabulary. Rather, unique vocabulary. I love the diamonds that have their own vocabulary that only the touched can understand. Your descriptions were so yummy.

So I was thinking, go back to when she first showed up here, see what her skill level was then. And read it. I can't do all those fantastic review thingies but I can and do see that you were on it from Jump. Like you just popped out of Zeus's thigh, fully formed, taking the temperature and turning it up to blast.

You're a natural. I've been reading Anne Sexton and hon you're better than Anne Sexton, although she would have loved you and rode that wave you so seemingly blithely create almost--it seems--as an afterthought. I read your work and I think, this woman is brilliant and iconoclastic and irreverent and most definitely the vamp Mama warned us all about.

I want to see you publish. Yes, I know, Emily Dickinson is whirling in her grave and all the so-called modernist critics would have surely had cardiac events, but...fuck 'em.

You rock. Right from the start. Don't read my early stuff. Already my eyes have opened and it is one helluva deal to realize that most of what I've written here is garbage and that suddenly this hellacious poet has emerged and there is so much I can learn from you.

Missing you. You've been gone a week and you're so fucking addictive that I'm jonesing just a bit. Just a wee bit. Hardly at all. It'll be okay. Surely?

Hey babes,

Thank you. I came screaming from the womb, and I haven't shut the hell up since.

I think the secret is: I KNOW who I am. I have ALWAYS known who I am. People fuck around figuring that shit out, but my sense of self doesn't shake, deviate, or crumble.

Yeah, I think I have enough shit here and in the private vault for a few collections this summer. I just have to suck a few dicks .... just kidding... they have to suck mine :) heh heh heh.

Thank you for the high praise, but honey, I'm arrogant enough. I appreciate you. I do. A lot.

On the themes of erotica, summer and sensuality, this blows classic poetry out of the water very uniquely, titillating with anticipation at every line.
Well done.

Thanks!