challenge not accepted

You throw down the gauntlet
and I meet you with silence
as I drench myself in
the bitter coldness
of self protection

I drown you out
scramble to armour myself
start looking for an exit

I don't know if I want to punish you
or if I want to punish myself

I want
perhaps more than anything
to go back to before this fight
before this week
this month
this year
this whole fucking decade
and unmake you from my heart

Because I'm tired
of trying to keep myself small
and comfortable and free of fire

You used to like my fire

You throw down the gauntlet
and I meet you with silence
bury my fire inside
because if I don't
I will set everything alight
and I'm not quite ready
to breathe into the spark
that will destroy everything

I wait for you
to make the next move for me