What's Best?

What am I fucking doing?

This hurts so fucking bad!

Im pushing people away
Good people

But it's because they're good people that I can't lie to them
I can't keep telling everyone I'm ok when they check on me

But I can't tell them how I really feel
Cuz I don't want them to worry
I don't want to cause them pain

So I shoulder the pain myself
I choose to suffer alone
Because I always know best

Whats best for everyone else except me
What I want doesn't matter
Because Im fucked in the head
So, this is my fate

To walk a lonely path
A path full of regrets
A path full of loss
A path full of broken dreams
A path full of lost hope
A path soaked with tears over those that lay in the wake of
DARKNESS

My heart is heavy
I feel the loss and it's shredding me inside
Im bleeding out internally

All I have for solace is this sense of doing the right thing
The right thing for the people I care about
The people I love

I act like it's some kind of comfort
But it isn't

I want to reach out and embrace
So I push away
Because nobody deserves me
Nobody deserves to be around someone who walks so closely with
DEATH