Shelf Life

Here I am crawling again
Feeling the cold dirty floor.
Breathing these toxins within.
Five fingers slammed in the door.

Slap me across my sad face.
Ignore all the lines in the sand.
Knock me right down from my grace.
Shred me with sorrow's sweet plan.

You got it backwards you see.
Although you think it's just as you say.
It must be crazy, delusional me.
How could I buffet this way?

I'm tired of you saying I don't know what's real
I can hear you try to act as if i can't.
I have a mind and I know how to feel.
You are the narcissistic sycophant.

Backhanded heart on the dirt.
Filthy vexation digs in.
Smack and provoke every hurt.
Malaise is torment's best friend.

Attack me and toy with my mind.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
I might get crazy and manic this time.
I may as well you already say that I do.

I may be nuts but damn it i'm smart.
I know what you are doing to me.
I'm not paranoid or a raging little tart.
I won't use an illness as a crutch or a plea.

I get so damn frustrated i'm thrown on a shelf
In the proverbial back room of life.
I am so sick of my damn mental health.
Just leave me alone to puff on my pipe.

Shame has it's stake in the flesh.
Wings broken it falls to the ground.
Free it from every duress.
Deafening, pulsating sound.

Speeding head first towards the stones.
Agony won't catch me now.
Here at the end she's alone.
Nothing but rock for her shroud.