Confessions of a people pleaser

"Who were you, before you cared what others thought of you?”
I.. I don’t know,
I can’t remember,
I’m sorry,
I’m sorry,
I’ll be fine..
I’m sorry, so sorry,
I think I lost me
trying to be who you needed,
Trying to fit into a world
Where the value of life
Is in dollars,
Is in contributions.
I’m sorry,
Who do you want me to be?
What mask shall I wear next?
For that’s all I am now,
I’m sorry,
I’m sorry,
So sorry,
Always sorry.

But in the depths of apology,
There lies a whisper of truth,
A flicker of a forgotten flame,
A glimpse of the person I used to be,
Before the world’s expectations
Tarnished my reflection,
Before conformity clouded my vision,
Before fear silenced my voice.

I was free-spirited,
Unburdened by judgment,
Unchained by validation,
I danced to the rhythm of my own heartbeat,
I painted my dreams across the sky,
I sang my truth to the winds.

So, I close my eyes,
And seek the echoes of my essence,
I shed the layers of false identity,
I reclaim the fragments of my authenticity,
I embrace the whispers of my soul.

Who am I, before the apologies?
I am me,
Unapologetically.
 And I’m sorry
I’m sorry
Because I know that you
Only ever saw the mask
Of who you wanted me to be
And never
Who I was

Or perhaps who I was is gone
Lost
Crushed between the masks
And your expectations
I’m sorry
So sorry
Always sorry