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Fuck the crazy back in

A glass breaks against the far wall †
and you whiplash back, †
your scrolling forgotten, †
because you fucking know †
my shitty aim †
is the only reason that glass †
wasnít etched into your forehead †
like a neon sign †

We had a calm moment. †

We went to bed chastely †
with the sheet dimpled †
between us and kept it †
uncomplicated. †
but my tits are swollen †
and poking braless †
through the †
white tank top †
-- you didnít fucking notice -- †  
and my lips are moist †
in both places †
and Iím ready †
to feel †
alive †

I donít even bother †
to answer your †
stupid little questions †
(What did I do?)  
(What the fuck is wrong with you?) †
(Jesus, will you stop and just talk to me?)

I just press my thighs together †
and throw the butter at you, †
dish and all  
making solid eye contact  
the entire fucking time †
and miss  

I aim the steak at your phone †
and miss †

and the knife at your head,  
and miss †

chest heaving †
hurling condiments and †
green beans †
until motherfucker, †
I hit you with a roll. †

(You donít even eat rolls. †
You got them for me. †
And that makes it better.)  

I throw my hands up in victory  
and itís enough time for you to †
clear the table with one arm  
drag me across  
by my shirt  
and growl at me to †
put away †
the crazy

for a minute, †

Baby, †
the crazy †
is what †
you really †
fucking †
want. †

The fact that Iím gonna love †
you like an old blues song †
and then try to murder you †
like death metal †
and hum Taylor Fucking Swift †
then entire goddamn time. †

The way I want fucks and cuddles †
and an aftercare milkshake †
when Iím covered in come †
and handprints  
and how I vacillate between †
lock-jaw jealousy and †
utter contentment †
for no reason †

all the fucking time  

gets you off. †

But you sitting your †
fine ass over there †
just sort of nothinging †

doesnít get me off. †
And I want you to get me off. †
So no. †

I wonít tell you whatís wrong. †
I wonít stop throwing shit at you. †
I wonít put away the crazy. †

The crazy wakes all the way up †
when your mouth crashes on mine †
and Iím not sure what Iím fighting †
but I thrash around †
enough that a forgotten †
serving spoon skins a strip †
off my lower back †

and the unnoticed tank top rips off, †
the panties roll into †
my running shorts †
and fly across the room †
to nest with the broken †
butter dish †

and †
your hand is so †
fucking gentle as †
it grips my throat that †
wetness floods my thighs †

and I shudder hard
when †
you suck my bottom lip †
into your mouth †

and suddenly  
Iím fighting myself †
to not fight †

I layer your chest with †
the backs of my thighs, †
tone calves over your †
strong shoulders, †
push my pussy
to you like †
the table is here †
to serve me,  

and recline †
back on my arms  
so I can watch †

so I can watch.  

your fingers find me first †
and I grip the table †
as I lie back, †
still silent, †
still nailing my pupils to yours †
still crazy as fuck †

you replace your †
fingers with your †
dick and †
I break my silence †
to moan your name †

your ass pumps †
and you jack your †
pelvis up so †
that each thrust †
hits me †
just †

fucking †

right †

and you †
fuck the heavy table †
half across the †
room †
as you fuck me half †
out of my mind †

and you blister †
my body with †
your gaze †
our sex squelching †
and loud, †
and messy, †
my insides †
clench around you †
and my head lolls †
back when you †
growl in your chest †
that you're close †

k †
the †
crazy †
back †
in †
Author's Note
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