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Image for the poem Anti-Slide Device

Anti-Slide Device

Has anyone ever wondered what those large knobs are on the side of escalators?
Well I'm going to tell you.
The knobs sole purpose in life is to keep miscreants from sliding down the flat space between the escalators
Or at least to guarantee that if an offender does slide down in between the escalators, they'll have a bumpy not so enjoyable ride
 
This leads me to my story...
 
When I was 14, a group of friends and I went to one particular mall on Long Island
This was 1991
Most of the state of the art, high tech malls at the time had these "Knobs"
We knew to avoid these malls  
We weren't going to have bumpy ride going down
One day we heard from other kids that there was a mall about 30 miles from us that was not equipped with these "knobs"
That following Saturday our parents dropped the three of us off at the mall
The anchor stores at that time were Macy's, Sears, and  A & S
We were closest to Sears, so that's where we went
It was around 10:30 am
The stores were starting to get crowded
We all had either Adidas workout pants on or some had those parachute pants
Either way they were comfortable and great for gliding action
As we approached this escalator, we realized that there was some height to it
About 10 feet away from the bottom were the counters for woman's perfume
We realized if we flew to fast we may crash into the counter
As we discussed the possible danger, we all said, fuck it, let's do it!
As we waited for everyone to go down the escalator, my friend Billy went 1st
The asshole towards the middle of his ride down got cold feet, stopped himself, jumped off and disappeared
We were like, what the fuck?
We didn't go looking for him
Next was my friend Chris
He got into position, legs up high, ass and back tilted and he took off!
What speed he had
Luckily he wasn't yelling or screaming going down
Only two elderly people saw him
They looked in disbelief
He was ear to ear smiles when his ride ended  
He stood up, looked at me and gave me the thumbs up
I was left
As I positioned myself like my friend Chris, a big grizzly looking rent-a-cop yelled "HEY YOU" behind me
And I jetted down so fast, that I lost my balance, smashed into the perfume counter, dislocating my shoulder and cutting my arm on the glass
This overweight SOB was calling for backup but we were young, spry and way faster then him
We scrambled out of that mall  
The rent-a-cop and his cronies never found us
We never entered that mall again
Luckily we were able to find one another
Remember their were no cell phones or beepers yet for the average kid
Chris & I met up at Tape World on the other side of the mall
Good thing we were music junkies itching to buy the latest Slayer, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Anthrax etc...Cassette
I missed school on Monday since my shoulder was all fucked up
I told my parents that I fell in the parking lot  
When Tuesday came around at school, talk already circulated the hallways in junior high
Except for Billy
We never really spoke to him again
Not to long ago I heard that the mall was demolished
They plan to build condo's on that sight
Surprise surprise!
Seems that's all we get today
Either that or some corporate box store like Wal-Mart, Home Depot or some other drab bullshit
If I could find an escalator right now without those "knobs" I would definitely do it all over again
Wouldn't you?
 
We get one shot in our lifetime to be young
One time, that's it!  
After that one shot, you're an adult
An adult until you die
Oh and yeah, I was a miscreant
Damn fucking proud of it
Written by Vision_of_insanity
Published
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