Starving

This is like a gut punch.,,

Thanks for reading and commenting. Its crazy how quickly reason and intuition can go out the window when desparation has you in its grasp.

Bravo! Excellent ending. Fantastic!

Thank you Keith. Your confession is still fresh in my mind and was the inspiration.

HA! Yeah. I should have made into a film

" didnt even taste the poison" Boom. Love it. Fia xoxo

Thanks Fia. Appreciate the read and Im happy you like it.

Love the strong title, I can’t feel the emotion in this write.

An honest critique. Sorry that the write didnt live up to the title for you. Thanks for reading either way.

That was totally a typo! I *can* feel the emotion in this write!

Oh... well then even better

Hello there

The imagery of this is on point, and I like how the title echoes through the theme of the poem. I love the whole stripped back approach to punctuation etc. It’s blunt, and feels like a real voice which always adds more weight to a piece.  

I know a few people have mentioned the word gut punch… but I’d like to offer a few suggestions if I may that will just tweak up that gut punch a little.  

“You told me that you love me” - to match the rest of the poem, make it “loved” for past tense.  

“Like a bear eating its first salmon after hibernation” - after hibernation feels a little redundant. Cutting those two words off the end of the sentence makes the image more concise and impactful.  

Just my thoughts on reading. Of course you don’t have to listen to a word. However it’s because I think the meat of the poem is worthwhile that I’m offering it at all.  

That close is just perfect btw. I take my hat off to you for that.  

-M

Hey Missy

I appreciate you taking the time to write me up a detailed critique with some honest feedback in always mark all my writes for honest critique.

I went ahead and chamged it to loved. I agree with your assessment. As far as the "after hibernation" part, im. Going to leave that. It fits with my theme of starvation. It doesn't feel redundant to me because it fits exactly what Im going for. So hungry that you just scarf it down as fast as you can get it into your mouth. A hibernation is months of not eating and living off the fat reserves. If not for that exact act, I could have used "like a lion eating an antelope" or "like a rabbit eating a carrot". I may be wrong. Im certainly not a professional. This is just something I do for the therapeutic aspect of it. Please.dont hesitate to provide your honest critique on anything I submit here. It is appreciated whether I take your suggestion or not.

No worries, pal… it’s your poem at the end of the day. 🙂

Have a good one.  

-M

you no longer believe in true love you are hiding your feelings for me afraid I will be ripped away from  you again and you will be forced in part to watch me tortured because part of you demands you feel i let you down though I gave everything I had in me at that time to you.