deepundergroundpoetry.com
His Inability to write seductively
I see your face,
your form,
both works of art
both wonders,
and realize
how feeble’s my ability
however much I think
I am adept at poetry
to capture you,
to rapture you,
with words.
And if I tried,
I know
that from the start
I’d show myself
incompetent,
absurd,
so verbally impoverished,
a literary blunderer.
your form,
both works of art
both wonders,
and realize
how feeble’s my ability
however much I think
I am adept at poetry
to capture you,
to rapture you,
with words.
And if I tried,
I know
that from the start
I’d show myself
incompetent,
absurd,
so verbally impoverished,
a literary blunderer.
Published 3rd Apr 2024
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Apr 2024 10:51pm
Thanks for your comment But what I want -- and have stated in my request for criticism -- is an analysis of how and why my submission does or does not work as poetry, not commiseration with the narrator's feelings. or advice on how to avoid feeling poetically incompetent.
4th Apr 2024 1:26am
I think that you possibly need to read some more of the poets here as this is a free form poetry but there is room for anyone to aim at a particular form of writing.
Take a look at one of my favourites Buevelvete
Two more to read Rew and Her.
Richard
Take a look at one of my favourites Buevelvete
Two more to read Rew and Her.
Richard
"I think that you possibly need to read some more of the poets here as this is a free form poetry"
I'm not sure I understand you. Did you mean to say "as this is a free form poetry site"?
If not, what is the antecedent of your "this"?
In any case, I'm not sure how reading some more of the poets here will (or could) give me what I asked you for, namely, an articulate analysis of how and why my submission above does or does not show itself to be good poetry.
I'm not sure I understand you. Did you mean to say "as this is a free form poetry site"?
If not, what is the antecedent of your "this"?
In any case, I'm not sure how reading some more of the poets here will (or could) give me what I asked you for, namely, an articulate analysis of how and why my submission above does or does not show itself to be good poetry.
19th Jun 2024 4:01pm
I see your face,
your form,
both works of art (needs to end in -ce)
both wonders, (needs to end in - orm)
and realize
how feeble’s my ability
however much I think (doesn't have to do much with realise)
I am adept at poetry (rhymes well with ability)
to capture you,
to rapture you,
with words.
And if I tried,
I know
that from the start
I’d show myself
incompetent,
absurd,
so verbally impoverished,
a literary blunderer. (that one flows well, if you include something to rhyme with absurd at the end, it will be well).
I know for a long time what you seek in criticism and I want to provide comments but tbh, I intuitively feel how it happens and don't know much of the terminology it takes to express my observation.
your form,
both works of art (needs to end in -ce)
both wonders, (needs to end in - orm)
and realize
how feeble’s my ability
however much I think (doesn't have to do much with realise)
I am adept at poetry (rhymes well with ability)
to capture you,
to rapture you,
with words.
And if I tried,
I know
that from the start
I’d show myself
incompetent,
absurd,
so verbally impoverished,
a literary blunderer. (that one flows well, if you include something to rhyme with absurd at the end, it will be well).
I know for a long time what you seek in criticism and I want to provide comments but tbh, I intuitively feel how it happens and don't know much of the terminology it takes to express my observation.
