Oh So You Love Me Huh?

When I hear the word 'love'
I run.
Not physically, maybe yes
But mentally I evade, disappear, compulse into a fit
Die a thousand miserable deaths.
It's having every glass around me shatter into a million pieces aimed at and racing into my direction.
Cutting, piercing, lunging through my flesh
Cause 'love ' that word is my trigger
A ticking time bomb buried so deep in my subconscious  
I don't even think of it.
But you said it,
I love you, I've fallen for you, blah blah blah
Then I begin to sink
Into a whirl pool of my own mind  
I remember  
That love takes all and leaves nothing
That love hurts me so bad
No healing, recovery? my withdrawal  
I loved and thought it would last a lifetime  
Because love loved me back,
Ripped from the clutches of my hand
And left to bleed,
My cries were like I've never experienced  
My screams were so loud until they weren't  
And it felt like I had  the wind knocked right out of me
A blow to my chest, my aching heart  
Gasping but can't catch my breath.
 
Love,
Now associated with big red stop signs and caution lights,  
go no further posters and danger tape boarders
It's a slap in the face and a blatant lie,
I already know you're just messing with my mind  
 Nozzle aimed at me, thought you'd pull the trigger shooting shot
 
But when you say you love me
I already know its 2 to 3 years of ups and downs then well it's all said and done
the words "it's not you it's me"  
Rolls off the tip of your tongue
Then I'll pull the trigger on myself but only before you do,
Cause I already knew  
That is what love do