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The Heart I Canít Let Go

I know when I am in my head
Stare blankly at the wall
I look but do not focus
Donít see anything at all

My mind it drifts farther away
And so I let it go
I wonder where it takes me to
A place that I well know

I feel it coming on this time
Although there is no why
Emotions that Iím so scared of
My thoughts and hopes to die

Itís like a runaway train
And I feel Iíve lost control
Thereís nothing of my life left now
Iím thrown into this soul

For a moment I forget them all
My husband and the kids
I only focus on the bad
Of all the wrong I did

I go back to the pain I felt
I feel my body fill with rage
I know I have to let it go
End the chapter, turn the page

I do not want to have this mind
Wish that I was someone else
Wish I could be a happy me
That version of myself

My thoughts darken up slowly
So much blame without the fault
I settle into a dreary spell
Because I know nothing at all

My therapist had suggested
That I dive into my brain
That I welcome all the darkness
Cause if not Iíll go insane

I can no longer push away
The hopes that I get better
On days like this Iíll just hang on
Hear music, wear a sweater

I hear the drinks call out my name
The voices start to laugh
Cause I donít want to drink no more
So I pour one and just drink half

I stare into the pitch black
And then I light a cigarette
Then I finish up the other half
To help me fight regrets

I go to sleep in my dark robe
Iím engulfed inside my mind
Iím nestled in an emptiness
And then I search, what do I find?

I let the urge come to me
In my mind I take the steps
Internally I hear the pop
Open my eyes, look to my left

Iím still here and heís sleeping
The robe has just been shed
Tears sting as I feel for him
Cry to myself in this old bed

He always bring me back
Itís like heís pulled me from the grave
I had to go, but now Iím back
I really hope Iím worth the save

I reach out and I touch his cheek
He smiles for a moment
Iím glad Iím not asleep for this
This moment that Iíve stolen

This pillow holds my tears
And this man he holds my heart
Heís the reason why Iíll never leave
Heís the muse behind my art

In a way heíll live forever
Iíve immortalized him so
Heís the hero in my stories
The heart I canít let go













Written by Diaryofabasketcase (Silvia Rosario)
Published
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