Unsaid

I fall over words unsaid
Never spoken
And never read
Just trying to find them
Leaves my heart constricting
In rebellion to my emotions
When I don’t know how to say…

Don’t misunderstand me
We aren’t talking about love
You’ll never catch me pining
For some kind of three legged
Relationship with the internet
When you just don’t turn me on
In that boy-girl kind of way
And I’ve no desire to bonk you
Cyberly or otherwise

It’s all platonic
And yet…
You matter to my heart
To my edgy sanity
And truly I’ve lost count
Of every time you’ve unknowingly
Pulled me back up  
From the edge of the abyss
That resides within me
That has been begging
Me back into the bottle

Would it be too grand to say
You’ve more than once
Saved my life?

Though I loathe to admit
That I rely a little too much
On the laughs and your strange company
And that sometimes, just sometimes…
I miss you when you’re gone
And that I really do hate
Your compliments
Because I’m not quite sure
How to take them  

And so I fall
Over words unsaid
Never spoken
And never read
To reach some kind of conclusion
That friend is not a dirty word
And that I’m not weak
For needing you, as a friend
While I honestly hope we never
Have this conversation

© Indie Adams 2012