Living Alone In a Relationship

Living alone in a relationship
Not something I envisioned
You living there, me here
Is great sometimes
But not great most times
At least it wasn't for me.
I missed you here
I missed sitting next to you
I missed touching you
I missed us.
I don't understand why
It was so horrible
For you living in my home.
You did tell me several times
You really did not  
Want me touching you.
So I sort of said
Ok, well then ok.
Fuck it.
I got really good
At masturbating.
If it was so horrible
Wish you would have said something.
I'm not sure you
Even knew.
Every time I asked
You really did not answer,
But that was par
It seems
You button yourself up
Into a neat little package
With all your intellectual properties
All your knowledge
All your curiosity
Full of self
You even know dates  
Of TV personality birthdays.
You know so much
Your interest and curiosity
Is endless.
I admire you
I respect you
You wear it like a badge
Of honor.
However, your interest level
In me sorely lacked.
I was looking for a lover
Who had some kinkiness
I fell in love with you
I craved you
I didn't realize that you
Were looking for just a partner
Until several months later.
So as it turned out
I became a turn off to you
Just an old woman
Can never ever be
What you want
Those cravings from
Deep in your core.
I was starving for attention
I was starving for touch
I was starving for romance.
This situation was not
At all fair to me.
Your interest level In yourself
Also sorely lacking.
You absorb so much information
About people, places and things,  
But, it seems you leave
The you of you
Out in the cold.
Your chest expanded every time
You remember a birthday,
A person's name
A date, it's endless
But what about you
How does all that make you
A better person?
Simply makes you full
Of info on any number of subjects.
Doesn't make you treat yourself better
Doesn't make you lift your weights
Doesn't make you walk regularly
Doesn't give you anything
To help you in your task of daily living
Of growing, of taking care of yourself
Really, in essence means nothing.
Just means you know a lot
About a variety of subjects.
If you can't use it to dig
Yourself out of your own sink hole
What good is it?
You do yourself a disservice.
I'm thinking maybe you
Like it in your sink hole.
Your comfort zone.
So I guess you will
Stay there
And continue to fill your head
With stuff about everything
Under the sun
Except for yourself
Except for me
Except for us.
So be it.
Written by elsiesan
Published | Edited 22nd Jan 2024
Author's Note
Written Jan 2023.  It's another discourse on the mechanics of relationships, the attitudes, actions and non-actions of the players and the finale.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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