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TLDR: I finally learned to dream †

Baby, dream of me tonight †
so I can stay awake †
and watch the world †
on your skin  
becuase I can't shake †
the sadness †

let me take one night †
to slide †
between the folds †
of your being as you †
dream in places †
that used to be mine,  

your dark lashes still †
on your pale cheeks  
and your chest  
warm under †
my palm, †
†  
I want to inhale the way you †
smell of man and †
that brand of soap  
that clings to my †
mind like your hand †
clung to my waist †
all night  

and I'll be here,  
propped up †
on one elbow,  
chin on my fisted hand,  
to count the  
red hairs in your †
beard †

and say, so soft as to  
not sway you †
from your sleep, †

that I love you. †

I love you †
in ways that †
leave me shaken †
and crazed, †
and as much as †
Iím going to pretend otherwise,  

I always will  

love you †

I'll whisper to dreaming you †
the best parts of our story, †
like: †
I told you †
I loved you †
for the first time †
when you were on your long †
drive to get the donuts, †
and that was the best fucking day †
of my life †  

and the last time you left me †
was the worst  

Iíll stop whispering when you stir  
and use the tip of my nail †
to drawn our names in a heart †
on your shoulder. †
and just will you †
to know you were †
true joy †
in my life, †
something new  
and good †

and for someone as †
fucked up as I am  
it made you a treasure †
worth hoarding †
worth having, †
and losing †

you let me drown alone †
so tomorrow Iíll have to hate you †
in order to get out of bed and exist †

but tonight, †
my love, †
my love,  
tonight is the last night of our life †
so I need to live in your exhale †
as if there is no tomorrow, †

because for usÖ †

(for us)  

But right now. †

I need to see your soft lips this last time, †
to imagine them curled around my finger, †
so you could win the †
fight over the best †
side of a Twix bar †
as you make me †
squirm with †
unfulfilled lust †

and fuck, †

lust  

I canít look at a coffee table, †
or car, †
or the fucking stairs, †
or a hammock, †
or the couch, †
or the shower, †
or that limo you got one date night. †
(and you had to tip the driver double to not watch)  
or the goddamn floor †
without a twinge †
in my stomach, †
and lower  

my body has the outline of your †
cells embedded in my skin,  
and muscle memory is a bitch †
some days, †
and my tendons still †
scream that they want you †

that I want you  

right now I want to lean in †
and enjoy †
how you fit me Ö †
just rightÖ †
just right... †

and weep silent eulogies to the way †
I loved your voice †
your face  
your smile †
the way you made me laugh †
and the way you †

(inhale. )  

and the way you †
made me love †

Iíll stay the night here †
watching you watch sheep pass, †
a small smile †
on your face, †
for a moment †
when you arenít †
killing yourself †
to make everyone †
happy. †

Iím going to stay here †
and be more in love †
than I ever will be again †

with the hero of every †
fucking story I †
cared to tell. †

Tomorrow youíll wake †
naked, alone, with †
nothing but a damp space †
in your inner mind †
from where I use to be, †

and youíll have the freedom †
you really need to be †
who you really are, †
and Iíll hate you †
for that. †

Because I have to. †

But Iím saving that †
for later. †

When I was young, †
I didnít dare to dream. †
You showed me a new way. †

So tonight Iíll watch you sleep  
Because †

Iíll be alone †
for the rest of time †
in a way †
no one else †
can see †

But tonight, †
baby, †

(inhale)

tonight, Iím going †
to learn to dream †

to really dream  

so that the only †
dream I ever have †

is you. †


Written by Betty
Published
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