Don Juan DeDarko

This is a great erotic poem written with what the genre often lacks: grace and raw sexuality. That you classify it as a love poem I found to be darkly amusing.
The "trojan horse of kindness" was an excellent metaphor and it was interesting how, though angry at times, this poem didn't seem misogynistic (to me, anyway) which a lot sadly do. I think the humour and sense of fun saves it from those murky waters. The ending was a riot.
Some nits:

1. In verse one, can "friendzone" be one word?
2. "Its" in verse two should have an apostrophe, as it's an abbreviation of "it is."
3. "Everso unigue" in verse five should be "ever so unique."
4. I don't think you need the metaphors or dashes, as they only appear sporadically and don't lend to any rhythm.

Thanks for the read, lightbaron.

thanks for the nits jack- I really am trying to be more disciplined in my proofing, and appreciate your points...I did initially put this into the erotic section, but felt love was more suitable- glad you sensed the humor in that

Welcome back from your wandering. Great work, brother. Now just lock her in the school dance with the others and set fire to the gymnasium. Oh never mind, the best revenge is always living and writing well.

thank ya bragg for the welcoming...ha yes, always a place for a disco inferno in my bitter memories.

I wouldn't have said this was a love poem, though I didn't find it erotic. I personally found it to be a wonderful observation on love and sexuality, and how what we look like does have a baring on how we're treated.

Faced with rejection, people will find many ways to work around that, though various means, expressed here. Having a way with words is great compensation for a lack in other areas.

"I need to nest your
private fragile eggs of emotion
into the padded security
of my manipulation
 
I need to undress you
with my words that  
compliment your ever so unigue
peculiarities
 
and bond you to the bed
with my trained eyes
scanning
for the slightest imperfection,
any insecurity that I can wrap
my shortcomings and your legs around
 
I will set out upon your porcelain thighs
hid away in the trojan horse of kindness
that you helped fortify,
only
to release my soldiers
onto your face"

I'm not entirely sure, and I could be completely wrong, but I found the end two lines to express a kind of disrespect, which I understand, though I was discomforted when confronted with that imagery and the subtext of it.

A heart felt write.

Peace, Indie.

P.S. also one spelling error I noted.

I need to undress you
with my words that  
compliment your ever so unigue (should be unique)
peculiarities

Mate...miss indie has voiced my thoughts from yesterday...the write is playful, somewhat thoughtful, but the last two lines speak of a disdain and/or aggression that tipped it to a place that left me cold...powerful sure, but not the write you were leading me to?

DP

Indie and Dp thanks to you both, specifically on the feedback on the last lines. I was thinking the whole thing was a tad harsh, but the last lines do seem to me stick out as particularly sarcastic sounding. I will ponder on what to do...
Indie thanks on the "unique" proof

I don't think you should change the ending, if that is the twist you were going for. I didn't personally find it sarcastic. I was merely pointing out my observation. Being left uncomfortable isn't a bad thing. It at least makes the reader think.

I can relate to the poem, though I'm not a guy, and well that's not my story, but I do know guys whose stories are so much like that.

I do like this piece very much, regardless of it's ending. :)

imma bit perplexed on the last two lines...I like the lines and don't mind the harshness, as I don't think they're too far off from "fuck to tears", but as much as I would hate to admit it the rest is a bit more honest, and although I certainly have the ability to be a dick, I dont think soldiers on the face,is my style

Good poem wouldn't worry so much about the last lines..you obviously went there in that moment when you put pen to paper...so it was a true feeling and thats what poetry is..it doesn't mean its you....I think most people get that your not necessarily everything you write..at least I get that because thats the way I write poems and stories

mr. wardlow thank u again sir...i feel i must agree with you- in that i have not changed those lines