The Army Life

There wasn't much to write about
nothing untoward
when I took the Queen's proffered bob
and for soldiering I strode.
                                  ii
The sergeant he was nice to me
and didn't cuss too much
when in the drill upon the square
I couldn't march, as such...
                                    iii
I learned a lot of fine new words
and stuff about me Ma'
stuff I'd never ever heard
and couldn't repeat, in bars...
                                    iv
He spoke about my father
and said '' An' i'll bound
he'd make an honest lass of her,
if ever he could be found "
                                      v
But the sergeant he was kind to me
he didn't mind, a lot
when my 'ported arms 'came shoulder arms
and hit him, in the crotch.
                                      vi
But it made a nice bright change for me
to bustle round the square
with all my kit upon my back
and newer words to hear.
                                        vii
The incident on the firing range
only made him smile
when I missed the bull and hit the cow
at a range of just a mile.
                                        viii
But the sergeant he was nice to me
didn't get too cross
and only blamed me, but mildly,
for the Empire's loss.
                                      ix
When I blanco'd boots and bulled me belt
he was much nicer then
just tut-tut-tutted round the welts
and spoke those words, again.
                                      x
And it made a cheery change for me
to be sitting on me bum
pealing spuds quite merrily
there must've been, two ton.
                                      xi
He spoke of the King's enemies
and made a pale thin smile
'' if they see you coming...
I bet they'll run a mile.''
                                      xii
The sergeant he is kind you know
such words he teaches me
the marching and the beer and O
the Army life for me!