deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mesmerized
That night,
dim light enhanced her
angelic face and shadowy
curves.
Her body, above mine,
pivoted warmly up and down,
consuming me with heat
from her insides.
Raising her hands to her head,
splaying out her hair with
thin fingers,
she leaned back slightly,
pushing out her prominent breasts
that swayed back and forth
in a mesmerizing dance.
Her breath and mine
spoke in labored words when
my frenzied movements
echoed a sensuous clapping sound
throughout the room.
My hands, reaching out,
supported soft velvet skin with
supple folds.
When the sun rose
we lay entwined
tired
but elated.
dim light enhanced her
angelic face and shadowy
curves.
Her body, above mine,
pivoted warmly up and down,
consuming me with heat
from her insides.
Raising her hands to her head,
splaying out her hair with
thin fingers,
she leaned back slightly,
pushing out her prominent breasts
that swayed back and forth
in a mesmerizing dance.
Her breath and mine
spoke in labored words when
my frenzied movements
echoed a sensuous clapping sound
throughout the room.
My hands, reaching out,
supported soft velvet skin with
supple folds.
When the sun rose
we lay entwined
tired
but elated.
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Re. mesmerized
9th Jan 2024 1:08am
Re: Re. mesmerized
9th Jan 2024 1:28am
Re. mesmerized
9th Jan 2024 2:05am
Re: Re. mesmerized
9th Jan 2024 2:10am
Re. mesmerized
9th Jan 2024 3:25am
Fuck yeah. First off: Hot. Really hot. Balls-blowing hot.
But you also really nailed the execution ( get it... nailed... heh heh heh)
The story is mezmirzed, and the narrator shows his thrall for the subject. ...
her angelic face
her body
her insides
her hands to
her head
her hair with
her breath
The narrator shows up three times, and each time is recieving an action, making him the secondary character.
above mine
and mine
my hands
That really lends to the title. That SHE is the primary focused. THat you are so utterly aware of each movement, each shadow, each sound, that you're fucking mezmirized.
Well done.
And at the end, the spell is broken as the lovers come together, and you pluralize the "her" and "my"
"we lay entwined"
Even the choice of entwined as an ending is interesting. Something entwined is meshed together.
Kickass stuff
But you also really nailed the execution ( get it... nailed... heh heh heh)
The story is mezmirzed, and the narrator shows his thrall for the subject. ...
her angelic face
her body
her insides
her hands to
her head
her hair with
her breath
The narrator shows up three times, and each time is recieving an action, making him the secondary character.
above mine
and mine
my hands
That really lends to the title. That SHE is the primary focused. THat you are so utterly aware of each movement, each shadow, each sound, that you're fucking mezmirized.
Well done.
And at the end, the spell is broken as the lovers come together, and you pluralize the "her" and "my"
"we lay entwined"
Even the choice of entwined as an ending is interesting. Something entwined is meshed together.
Kickass stuff
0
Re: Re. mesmerized
9th Jan 2024 4:01am
holy geeze. i didn't anticipate getting such a great comment like that. i don't think i could ever be as good in describing details as you. thank you so much for your comment. it means a lot.
Re. mesmerized
9th Jan 2024 6:18am
I echo both Crimsin's and Betty's comments. A sensuous nocturnal bed scene you have painted.
0
Re: Re. mesmerized
9th Jan 2024 8:41pm
Re. mesmerized
10th Jan 2024 2:19am
You've invited us into a beautiful display of a man and woman giving thanks and love to one another in the most intimate way we as humans can express it. It didn't feel dirty, and that emphasized the beauty of the act. Nicely written.
0
Re: Re. mesmerized
10th Jan 2024 2:22am
Re. Mesmerized
11th Jan 2024 3:11am
Re: Re. Mesmerized
11th Jan 2024 3:29am
Re. Mesmerized
11th Jan 2024 4:50pm
Re: Re. Mesmerized
11th Jan 2024 5:32pm
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Nov 2024 6:45pm
12th Jan 2024 3:52am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Mesmerized
12th Jan 2024 3:55am
Your comment is so poetic, I'm blushing a bit. Thank you Brandy, for such a nice comment.
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Nov 2024 6:45pm
15th Jan 2024 2:20am
<< post removed >>
Re. Mesmerized
8th Oct 2024 1:18am
Re: Re. Mesmerized
8th Oct 2024 1:19am