Enola Gay

I hurl myself at you
like a fucking aerial bomber      
on a kamikaze mission,    
uncaring in the moment      
if we both blow the fuck up    
     
I drag you to the ground    
screaming      
no    
against your lips as we      
kneel and our noses mash    
as my sobs spill past      
my lashes    
     
We’re in a hero pose    
as the shrapnel rains on us,    
I hit your pecs with the meaty    
parts of my fists      
choking    
no    
with each strike    
     
and you try to take    
me in your arms and      
whisper shhhh against      
my head but not this time.    
     
There isn’t any fucking comfort    
past the taste of you soaked    
in my regret    
     
The heavy shadow over our head    
turns and I watch saltwater    
stain my lap    
as you hold my hands,    
hold my heart,    
and say beautifully    
scarred things      
past the syncopation      
of my deaf ears    
     
no.      
     
no.      
     
There’s no rage, no fear just    
the best parts of us walking    
away with my blessing      
     
forever this time    
     
No.      
     
Fucking. No!    
I can’t. I can’t. You’re fucking      
everything good, and dark and      
passionate and insane and you can      
talk me down from a 30 foot ledge    
and how can you go after everything      
and how can I let you?      
No.    
     
Please. No.      
     
(Please. )    
     
I wrench my hands from yours      
and pull you to me,    
needing something      
primordial,    
my hands shake    
under your shirt,    
and I crawl into your lap    
somehow crying harder    
as your skin      
presses against      
mine    
     
Your hands wind      
into my scalp.    
Your mouth takes mine,      
and the heavy shadow    
turns slowly and aims true      
     
The last ordinance,    
the one that’s going    
to take us out      
flares into view    
     
My head falls back      
as you lick pain from    
my throat and I      
whimper      
yes    
as the sky      
lights up in      
atomic white    
     
and the last      
breath I take    
before it      
flashes our      
shadow to the ground    
     
has a molecule of your exhale    
to hold forever    
     
and it’s enough…    
it’s enough      
     
     
     
And it’s never enough.