ďMy dear, do you have a faith?Ē
God doesnít care for sinners and whores
and I am blessed with the curse of being both. †
Though what kind of God would make whores of the innocent?
Forced to their knees for the pleasure of men?
They say God is mighty, and that he is merciful
I have felt the might of man, though I have never tasted his mercy.
If God were a man, heíd be an evil misogynistic clown †
laughing at the pain of others, hidden by chemical make up †
women use to make themselves beautiful †
because God didnít do a good enough job †
of making them in his flawless image. †
I am here to mock, so mock me †
while I stumble around in a glorious purple haze
high and inebriated on whatever cheap liquor I can pour down my throat
fucking God in the lips of every woman I bed
their glorious scent lingering on my skin, coating my tongue †
treasured memories to lock away when I need a quick fix on my own. †
While I simultaneously fuck myself up on every cock
that never leads to love or some kind of pleasurable release.
I learnt to hate whilst down on my knees praying †
to probing, insistent manhood, demanding attention †
though there is nothing Godly about cocks.
Hold me down and fuck me senseless †
Iím too fucked up to fight, and well, screaming never made a difference
as God stood in the corner and watched with a smirk on his face
the loss of innocence and the birth of sinner that would bend over †
for any pretty boy nice enough to call her beautiful. †
And I thought I could find some love there, in masculine arms †
that could choke the life from me, just because. †
While lust masqueraded as something meaningful †
a stage for an accidental attention whore trying to find peace
in self-destruction and the beds of men that didnít care if I was 15 or 20-something
when my legs were an open door with an unhinged sign saying "love me". †
So ask me again, if I have a faith, and Iíll tell how God loved me into the arms of merciless men.
© Indie Adams 2012