Uncomfortable eye contact with the guy I fucked over

I fucked with them both
at the same time
knowing damn well
I was never coming back to you

Both.

My nice guy was relieved;
we called it poly instead of cheating

He wanted to touch the sun,
don’t you all,
he had a big dick and a
medicine mind so I liked that

while the twisted
splinter who broke
my heartskin …
The one
That one
(I swore never again)
well.

Well,
someone had to be
the side piece.

and it was his
fucking turn.

But never again.

(Again, and again, and
let’s face it, probably again.)

We wrecked
each other in that
unholy ménage.

I’m dishonest,
but I’m not a liar,
so they knew
about each other,

and you.

We all knew it should have been you.

It should have been you.

That it wasn’t…
That it isn’t…

is the only thing
that doesn’t taste
acrid
when I swallow
the bitter
dregs
of self loathing,

I open a new
bottle,
blow out the light
you left flickering
on the windowsill

and stay quiet
in the weary dark